Teaching is difficult. There are so many things to juggle--130 kids, 3 different lessons a day, all their grades, one kid's special accommodations, another kid's accommodations, and another... managing a classroom (make that 5), engaging the squirrely Freshmen, actually TEACHING them something they will remember... And I feel like I'm failing miserably.
Today I gave a test on characterization. It's a test that we all have to give if we are teaching 9th grade English, so I didn't write it. I don't like some of the questions or how it's so super long, but I have to give it. I, personally, don't think it's difficult, and if my students had paid attention, they shouldn't have thought it was difficult either. But today, I watched many of my students get trampled on... and isn't that just a poor reflection of me as their teacher? Shouldn't I have been able to prepare them better? But I tried...
I always thought the hardest part of teaching would be coming up with lesson plans and material to teach... and then as naive as I was, I thought my students would just learn. I mean, that's how I was as a student. But my students apparently aren't taking what I'm offering them. It's like watching Indee refuse her kibble all over again... the food that I know will nourish her and make her stronger, but that for some reason she refuses to take. My students (even some of my honors kids) don't study and they don't do their work... I know it's partially because of their demographic... but how do I change that??? And again, I circle it back to myself as an ineffective teacher. How does one TEACH??
After school today, I just sat at my desk for a good half hour, staring at nothing in particular, too deflated to tackle the stacks of poorly written essays and tests that I know I'll bleed all over later with my red pen. How does one teach?
They are right when they say that first year teaching is like learning how to swim by being thrown into the deep end... or a raging sea. I'm working so hard and doing my best, but I'm making no progress, water is going up my nose, and I'm sinking fast.
Would someone, please, throw me a lifeline.
One of the things I loved about my favorite teachers at Valley was that they never seemed to give up on the students. Even when there were some difficult ones that didn't seem to get it or WANT to get it, the teachers were persistent and engaged with us. I can't even imagine how they did that, day in and day out. I hope you continue to hang in there. Stay hopeful! :)
ReplyDeleteAwww Ceci! I felt like my students couldn't get anything either in the beginning. Try to think of ANY SMALL SUCCESSES and cling onto those moments when you are having a tough day. In the end, I believe the information they learn is important, but they will remember your perseverance and care more than anything else! Jia Yao!
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