And I thought I was impervious. With a touch of smugness, I even proclaimed to Wayne, who gets disoriented after daylight savings (!), that jet lag never really gets to me. But look who's sleeping like a rock and who is up blogging in the wee hours of the morning. And this is NOT part of my usual up-with-the-birds routine. It's 5:48am, and I haven't slept a wink.
Tomorrow/Today is a big day too... I'm visiting Steph and Steve and Noelle with Angela in the morning, driving out to SF with her and stopping off at the outlets first, then hanging out with Colleen, then Natalie in Fremont, then Jessie, Debbie, and Karen in the evening for dinner... then driving home.
I apologize to my friends if I am a zombie tomorrow/today.
A kid lit a wad of paper on fire with a lighter today. on fire!! I called for security and admin support who came and searched backpacks and bodies, but they didn't find the lighter (darn!), but they did find a knife in one kid's bag.
during a discussion about a poem on a civil war...
student: Mrs. To, why do people fight if they don't want to? me: Sometimes, they have no choice... Like during WWII, if you were of a certain age and were healthy, you were DRAFTED into the war. student: Were you drafted in WWII? me: WWII??? ..... no, I didn't fight in WWII. ...I stayed back and took care of the wounded soldiers in the hospitals.
We had planned for a fun outing to the dog park, but alas, Mother Nature has rained on Lucy's parade. :( We'll make it up to you, though, Goose... how about some chicken broth with your kibble?
I love that piece of imagery--herding cats. That's exactly how it is in 7th period every day, down to the fact that I don't like cats. But today, the kitties/kiddies weren't so bad. Full of energy as usual, but I played off their energy. I also set up a chair in the front of the room that was my "time-out" chair, though I didn't call it that. I sent students there for 5 minutes when they were talking out of turn... Time-outs work--even with 9th graders! Today, my kids were on-task, did all their questions, participated by RAISING THEIR HANDS, and discussed THEME!
One student whom I was having a REALLY hard time with has been coming after school the last two days to make up missing work. He's such a good kid, and I had a good time talking with him about wrestling and playing the drums. In the course of two days, he's brought his grade up from an F to a C!
Am I getting better at herding cats??? ... No, it's probably more because 8 students were absent, 3 of which are Trouble, bringing my class count to a manageable 26. Still, it was a good day in 7th period. I'll take it!
For a class that I don't like, I sure think and talk about 7th period a lot! I know that I need to stop letting ONE class dictate how I feel towards teaching as a whole, so I am making an effort to focus on the positives that God has graced me with so far.
One such praise is one of my EL students who calls me "Mrs. Toes." I don't know if its the language thing or if she's being funny, so I just leave it. She is the sweetest little thing and is my unofficial TA. She continually asks if I need help and has come after school several times to help me with all sorts of odds and ends. After one especially hard day a few weeks ago, I left her in the room with a stack of student-drawn posters and a box of pushpins and hastily left to speak with other teachers and admin about a particularly peevish incident that occurred in 7th period. Even after speaking with admin, I still had my knickers all in a knot and was muttering under my breath as I made my way back to my classroom... but when I opened the door, I was greeted with the most welcoming site. All my posters were beautifully hung with obvious care, and there sat my student, in one of the desks in the middle of my room, quietly doing her homework while she waited for me to come back. When I thanked her for her hard work, all she said was, "You're welcome, Mrs. Toes... Do you know how to do math?" And so we did some algebra together, and though she didn't know it, I just wanted to scoop her up and hug her and take her home with me, because she was the balm that I needed for my blistery day.
I thank God for moments of reprieve like this. I know that if God allowed this job for me, then He'll also take me through it, even if I emerge with a few battle scars.
First, it was the throwing of paper. Wads of paper, paper airplanes, little paper pellets... thrown on the floor, thrown across the room, thrown at other students. I had to threaten with referrals before they stopped--more or less.
Then, there was the whistling. Because if they couldn't throw things, then maybe they could disrupt the class in a more inconspicuous way, like whistling! I also had a couple of days when someone brought party poppers and popped them, sprinkling confetti and streamers all over--in the middle of a test! Then there was the barking, and always, the incessant talking...
And now, it's the pine cones. I've been left a pine cone on my desk the last two days--strange, but innocuous. But today, when I had finally gotten everyone quiet and focused on their tests, a pine cone was launched across the floor, hitting the cabinet, and causing everyone, of course, to scream and shout and speculate about wild squirrels, etc. I, however, paid it no heed and acted like it was the most normal thing to have a large pine cone skate across the classroom floor. Because that's what they want from me--a reaction. And I wasn't going to give it to them. Without a reaction, the disruption quickly died down, and the pine cone was left on the floor, unable to cause anymore harm.
But it's never-ending. As soon as I quell one misbehavior, another surfaces... it's like those whack-a-moles... only i wish i could actually whack some of these moles I have as students.
I was randomly perusing Yelp and happened across the link for Nordstrom Arden Fair, where I used to work. Out of curiosity to see what raves and reviews my old stomping grounds boasts, I clicked on the link and, like settling in with a favorite book, started reading the familiar stories... oh, yes, we give stellar customer service. oh, look, someone lost her boots and they actually REPLACED them for her! and yes, we do have good food at the cafe... and then all of a sudden, I saw something about "Cecilia in Women's Activewear" from Patrick Y.! That's me!!!
I am completely shocked, pleasantly surprised, and amused that I have been yelped! :)
Teaching is difficult. There are so many things to juggle--130 kids, 3 different lessons a day, all their grades, one kid's special accommodations, another kid's accommodations, and another... managing a classroom (make that 5), engaging the squirrely Freshmen, actually TEACHING them something they will remember... And I feel like I'm failing miserably.
Today I gave a test on characterization. It's a test that we all have to give if we are teaching 9th grade English, so I didn't write it. I don't like some of the questions or how it's so super long, but I have to give it. I, personally, don't think it's difficult, and if my students had paid attention, they shouldn't have thought it was difficult either. But today, I watched many of my students get trampled on... and isn't that just a poor reflection of me as their teacher? Shouldn't I have been able to prepare them better? But I tried...
I always thought the hardest part of teaching would be coming up with lesson plans and material to teach... and then as naive as I was, I thought my students would just learn. I mean, that's how I was as a student. But my students apparently aren't taking what I'm offering them. It's like watching Indee refuse her kibble all over again... the food that I know will nourish her and make her stronger, but that for some reason she refuses to take. My students (even some of my honors kids) don't study and they don't do their work... I know it's partially because of their demographic... but how do I change that??? And again, I circle it back to myself as an ineffective teacher. How does one TEACH??
After school today, I just sat at my desk for a good half hour, staring at nothing in particular, too deflated to tackle the stacks of poorly written essays and tests that I know I'll bleed all over later with my red pen. How does one teach?
They are right when they say that first year teaching is like learning how to swim by being thrown into the deep end... or a raging sea. I'm working so hard and doing my best, but I'm making no progress, water is going up my nose, and I'm sinking fast.
Another if-my-life-were-a-musical posts... But really, if my life were a musical, I would be packing up my teaching supplies right now (cue music), start swinging my guitar around, and I would begin singing...
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
A school with 1600 children
What's so fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance Face my mistakes without defiance Show them I'm worthy And while I show them I'll show me
So, let them bring on all their problems I'll do better than my best I have confidence they'll put me to the test But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them I will be firm but kind And all those children (Heaven bless them!) They will look up to me And mind me with each step I am more certain Everything will turn out fine I have confidence the world can all be mine They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own I have confidence God won't leave me alone
(Oh help!)
I have confidence God won't leave me alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!
I officially start teaching on Tuesday, but Friday, I got to go on campus to observe other teachers, begin gathering my curriculum, and start setting up my classroom. Today I went in for a few hours to rearrange desks and set up all my audio visual equipment (or should I say, I watched as my personal IT guy, Mr. To, set up all my audio visual equipment). I'm pretty happy with the set-up, if I do say so myself. The room is still rather bare, but nothing a few panels of colorful curtains, decorative statement pieces, and accent pillows can't fix! (just kidding!)
A huge, huge, HUGE praise is a 2nd year English teacher whom admin has called "the best teacher we've got," and who has so graciously taken me under his wing. He says he was in my shoes last year, so he understands what I'm going through. My new friend has shared his lesson plans and says he can give me some of his wife's lesson plans too, who teaches 9th Honors English at another school. He even helped me write out my first two weeks of lessons!
On the flip note, a huge, HUGE prayer request is that I will master the art of classroom management. I watched, in horror, as my other colleague, a veteran teacher of 19 years, got eaten alive by her 9th grade English class--MY 9th grade English class as of Tuesday. They made her CRY! She admits, though, that classroom management is not her strong suit, so I know I need to be extra tough and firm with these guys, lest they trample all over me as they did her.
For the last year and a half, Indee hasn't been eating much, and she was wasting away and lacking in energy. When she came to live with us, I tried mixing cottage cheese with her food or softening it with water, thinking it might be easier on her old lady teeth, but she would eat a few bites at most, look at me with her sad, doleful eyes, and walk away. My heart would sink. I was very much distraught over her health... my poor puppy that I've had since high school must be dying.........
And then one day, I heard some crunching in the kitchen during feeding time, but it wasn't Lucy. It was Indee stealing Lucy's kibble! I was so ecstatic over her pilfering that I gave Indee more of Lucy's Eukanuba, and she ate it. I gave her more, and she ate that too! Turns out, the only sick Indee was, was over her own food. We've found that Eukanuba makes a lamb and rice formula for senior dogs (Indee, amongst other ailments, is allergic to corn, which is used in most regular kibble), and now Indee gobbles her new kibble right up whenever we put it in front of her! It's such a relief that Indee is eating again! She looks healthier in weight and she's fuller in energy.
They say having a pet is good training for parenting, and I would agree with that. I now know how mothers feel when their babies refuse to eat! ...maybe they should try Eukanuba. Worked for my baby. :)
Look how happy and sprightly Indee is at the dog park!
Still waiting for HR to finalize my paperwork before I'm officially Mrs. To in the classroom, but I stopped by the main office on campus to pick up some things... and I already saw a boy get handcuffed and led into a police car.
We're watching Sasha and Cody this weekend, and this morning, I took all four of them on a walk--all by myself! I had two dogs in both hands, and we were going at SUCH a snail's pace, as I had to maneuver four dogs going in different directions, stopping at different times to poop and sniff different scents... and on top of that, my shoelaces came untied. Our walk was quite a feat--and spectacle, I'm sure. (Where was Wayne, you may ask? Sleeping, of course.)
I must have looked like the neighborhood dog walker to passersby; I'm surprised no one asked for my card, haha.
Here, I'm trying to organize them for a group photo...
No, really. I don't mean figuratively or metaphorically... like how I am a teacher of Life, haha. I mean a real teacher. A school teacher. An English teacher for Valley High School in Elk Grove. And I start as early as Tuesday.
what?!?!
I know! Crazy, right? Especially after all my hee-hawing about how I don't want to be a teacher. But the call for the interview came at the right time, I guess.
Yesterday, I went in for a last minute, spur-of-the-moment interview, skeptical that I would even be a strong candidate for the position, but I guess they liked me and I ended up with the job! I don't even know what grades I'll be teaching (they don't even know yet). And it's somewhat of a ghetto inner-city school, which is scary. But like Sam reminded me, I've seen "Freedom Writers" and "Sister Act 2", so I should be okay. Thanks for the encouragement, Sam.
So how do I feel? I vacillate between excitement and fear, but I suppose all teachers go through that. I just can't think about it too much, or I freak myself out. I know this year will be a good experience, no matter what. And while I trust God and His providence and know that He only gives what is truly good for us, I'm praying so hard that this isn't going to be one of those "Job-esque" experiences!
Today I decided to try my hand (or should I say "paw") at baking my own dog treats. There are actually a lot of recipes out there, and I found one for peanut butter biscuits--it looked quick, asked for ingredients that I already have, and I love peanut butter (I mean, they).
The results? Lucy and Indee ate them, but they said the treats could use some more peanut butter... or chicken liver. I'll keep that in mind for next time.
It's late (for me), but I can't stop reading through old blog posts by Jessica Claire! She's my favorite wedding photographer to stalk not just because of her beautiful and fun shoots, but also because I love her writing! Usually, I just look at pictures on photography sites and skip the blurbs, but I love Jessica's style and how her fun and quirky personality comes through her words (I think she may have been an English major).
Incidentally, Jessica Claire also happens to be the photographer to shoot MY photographer's wedding.
Check it out if you're bored/curious/want to see some pretty pictures! But be forewarned, it can be addicting!
My parents left for Shanghai yesterday. Over the weekend, I went back to Fremont one last time to help them with the final stage of packing, cleaning, sorting, and stowing. Along with my parents, I've also had to say goodbye to many of my childhood "treasures", like...
my Britney Spears magazine collection,
my mouse earmuffs,
and my Ariel pencil that I never used because I was "saving it" for a special occasion.
man, I loved that Ariel pencil. (and why do my teeth look so extra big in this picture?)
But my room, as well as the whole house, is all cleaned out, ready to be rented out, and my parents are safe in Shanghai.
Here are a few last pictures before their departure.
One last early morning hike up Mission Peak with my mom.
My parents are moving to Shanghai next week for my dad's job, so Wayne and I have adopted Indee! We drove her up from Fremont on Sunday, which I was really worried about, because Indee does NOT do well on car rides. But thankfully, she didn't throw up and actually seemed fairly calm.
Though still adjusting, Indee is doing really well. She's old (13!) and has old lady characteristics... like she's starting to grow warts in random places (which is common for dogs), her hair has grown nappy, she smells funny, moves very slowly, and she sleeps a lot. She's already had a couple of accidents inside the house, which I attribute more to the fact that my parents had a doggy door at their house, so Indee was able to let herself in and out, and consequently has fallen out of the habit of letting us know when she needs to go to the bathroom. She also has a tendency to walk out if we leave the door open, which reminds me of how little old ladies may wander off if left unattended in their convalescent homes.
But I love her. And I'm glad to be able to take care of her in her old age, just as I did when she was a pup.
And she's already making herself at home, taking over Lucy's bed. :)
Looking at pictures from our recent trip to San Diego, I was HORRIFIED by all the WRINKLES around my eyes!!! Where did they come from??? When did I get these??? I need eye cream, ASAP!
these were taken after a run we did along the coast... perhaps I can attribute it to... the wind? (there was no sun that day!)
Lucy picked up a dead mouse today on our walk and proceeded to carry it proudly, as if showing off her new prize... and I let her because it was so cute! Does that make me a bad mom?
Wayne's in the Bay today and tomorrow, visiting friends, so what have I been doing with all this "me" time? Tonight, I watched "Pretty Woman", which was showing on TBS, and then I spent the rest of the evening watching how-to hair tutorials on youtube. Tomorrow, it's the local farmer's market and then scrapbooking!!!
Oh, and speaking of hair, I was totally daring this past weekend and did my own hair for Alton and Charissa's wedding, which is actually unprecedented and completely uncharacteristic of me (this was pre- youtube tutorials, mind you). I am HORRIBLE with hair, and I had no idea what I was doing (and didn't really trust Wayne when he told me it looked fine, because really, what does he know about hair?), but I think it turned out okay!
I'm washing the towels right now, so there were none in the bathrooms for a little bit. I just went to our linen closet to pull out some fresh towels and was really puzzled that one of them was slightly damp. Was it from Sam, who slept over last night, needing a new towel in the morning? No, it would have dried by now... Do we have some sort of a leak? Confused, I went over to Wayne and told him about this mystery towel, and he said so casually, "Oh, that was me." Apparently, after using the bathroom and washing his hands, he had no towel to wipe his hands on, so he went into the linen closet and instead of pulling out a new towel to restock, he simply stuck his hands in there, wiped them dry, then closed the closet door again!
It's such a funny scene in my head; I can't stop laughing!
Karli wasn't bad... she was super nice and easy to talk to. But she did give me a mushroom (augh!!), which was first a mullet until I asked her to even it out. And because we had to cut off the mullet, my hair is shorter than I had wanted it. She did do a good job on the actual layering, though, so I'm sure my hair will look great once it grows out... sigh, the story of my salon experiences.
Okay, so here are the pictures.
...Ready?
Are you sure?
Brace yourself....
AUGH!!!!
Okay, it's not that bad, right? But that was right after coming back from the salon. You can really see the mushroomness after I styled it myself the next day. See the poof on the left side of my head? Yeah, I don't like that. At least now I know I don't like shorter layers framing my face. And believe me, it's worse when it's not fresh from the flat iron, because the layers meld, creating that dreaded mushroom.
Here, I have pulled that chunk from the side of my head. I'd rather my hair be like this:
I'm crazy, huh? But I'm just not completely sold on this new cut. I'm not so devastated as in the past, though, perhaps due to the fact that I'm older and mature enough to know that life will go on, even while sporting a mushroom cut. I don't know if I'll go back, though... maybe. I mean, all relationships need work, right? And perhaps Karli and I just need time to feel each other out. I think I should have emphasized more how untrendy and low-maintenance I am, and I've had bad experiences with mushroom cuts, so please don't give me one. Maybe I SHOULD have worn jeans and a sweatshirt, since really, I'm a jeans-and-sweatshirt kind of gal... with an Anthropologie top thrown in here and there. Or maybe I'll just check out Honey Salon next time. We'll see.
In the mean time, I'll be mastering such tools as The Flat Iron and The Bobby Pin to manage my new 'do.
I left Magic Salon a few months ago. I loved Michelle, who gave me haircuts that I actually LIKED right out of the salon, but when she left, my coif was entrusted to another stylist. I gave her two chances, but she wasn't cutting it (haha, get it?), so I did what I had to do. I started searching for a new salon.
It's hard finding a good salon. There are many out there, but I want a quality place that is still affordable, that is progressive without being pretentious or overly trendy, and most importantly, I want a stylist whom I trust and will give me a haircut I love.
I scoured yelp and found two salons that fit the bill: Honey Salon and Amithyst Boutique Salon. I actually really like the name Honey Salon and almost made an appointment based solely on that, but Amithyst had an opening tomorrow morning. Plus, they have cheery yellow walls and Amithyst, herself, makes darling feather hairpieces that she sells on Etsy. And anyone who sells anything on Etsy is cool in my book.
So I have an appointment with Karli at Amithyst Salon tomorrow, and I'm excited and a little nervous at the same time. Kind of like a first date, if you will. When you think about it, your relationship with your stylist/salon is much like dating, isn't it? You bounce around from salon to salon, arriving at each appointment with high hopes, only to have them dashed when you leave with a mushroom cut. And this happens over and over... until you find "The One". And then you stick with them for life.
I keep thinking about what Karli will be like. Will she listen to me, or insist upon her own ideas? Will she be patient with my wishy-washiness and how I never know what I want exactly but know exactly what I don't want? and... oh, should I even dare to hope... Will she be able to tame my baby hairs?? And as ridiculous as this sounds, I've even thought about what I am going to wear tomorrow, because I want my outfit to most accurately reflect who I am, so Karli can give me a haircut that will suit me best.
So here goes! Tomorrow morning, 10am. Wish me luck, and if all goes well, hopefully I'll be posting pictures!
So today was one of those days I missed having a group of friends to hang out with. We went to Life Point(e?) Church in Elk Grove (super close to our house--we could walk there), and the people are nice, but since we don't know anyone, we just stood around for a bit, chatted briefly with a couple of people who came up to us... then went home. We had lunch at home on our own, took Lucy to the dog park on our own... and then saw all these people playing football and barbecuing--with friends... and I realized just how lonely we are. :( or I am, anyway. Sigh, I miss having friends to hang out with. I have a few here and there, whom I am so thankful for! But no one to do anything and everything with. No group of friends to invite over. My boardgames lie untouched on the top shelf. Everyone seems so busy... and I suppose I am too. Is this just the life of an adult? Is this what being a grown-up is like?
I'm five years old and it's getting cold
I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides
Look now the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home
I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today
I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop till I forgot all their names
I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today
I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out he's better than I am
I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you
There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world
Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine and I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today
Wayne and I have talked about creating a San Diego-themed bathroom--not teeming with seashells and dolphins and other kitsch, but something that would tastefully remind us of our favorite place... where I still consider Home, in many ways. But what that actually looks like, we were unsure... Harvest group picture on the wall? (haha, that would be weird). UCSD pendants? Triton shower curtain with matching towels and bath mat? hmm, not quite that either.
While in San Diego a few weeks ago, we decided to make a trip to the UCSD Bookstore, and while no Triton shower curtain (darn!), we did find this!! Perfect inspiration for our San Diego bathroom!
The lady at Aaron Brothers helped me find a suitable frame and this beautiful color for the mat! And ta-da!!!
I am now ready to tackle the rest of the bathroom! ... shower curtain, towels, bath mat, and... yikes, paint color!
