My Son the Man

        Another school year is well underway, and this year feels different. Weighty, momentous. I started my third year back in the classroom. Wayne, his 22nd. Ry is in 4th grade. Addie is in 6th. And Caedmon—always our marker of life’s milestones as our eldest—started high school as a Freshman. How is this possible? I was just peeling him off my legs at nursery drop-off the other day. 

        He is now a head taller than I am. His shoes—these giant boats—are a perpetual tripping hazard by the door. And he’s no longer allowed to play slug-bug with his siblings in the car; there were too many tears. But when I look at him, I still see his little sideways toddler smile, and his fluffy hair that defied gravity and bounced when he ran. I still hear his wobbly speech when he finally started talking at three… “ah-jigga!” “ahvvaaahh!” “a-mama, a-mama,” “whatchooDOOning?” I see his little-boy earnestness, his frowns of concentration when building his train tracks and LEGO towers. In my mind’s eye, his toddler-self is a constant shadow, even as I watch my 14-year-old man-child hulking down the stairs in the morning, his groggy “good morning” five octaves lower than mine.

        And Sharon Olds’s poem, “My Son the Man,” now hits my heart with a new force.

Suddenly his shoulders get a lot wider,

the way Houdini would expand his body

while people were putting him in chains. It seems

no time since I would help him to put on his sleeper,

guide his calves into the gold interior, 

zip him up and toss him up and

catch his weight.  

    

        It truly seems like no time since those little years…

        It’s sweet to hear Wayne talk about having Caedmon on campus with us, driving him to school, anticipating the concentrated time he’ll have with Caedmon, and Wayne's desire to be intentional with this opportunity, to pray with Caedmon in the mornings and just be around Caedmon on the day-to-day, every day, as he grows up… In these next four years, our son will become a man. Right before our eyes.

I cannot imagine him 

no longer a child, and I know I must get ready,

get over my fear of men now my son

is going to be one…

    

        But at the same time, as these summer days grow shorter and a few trees in our neighborhood are already starting to drop their leaves, we’re learning to hold this rosy future loosely.

        In the wake of a devastating diagnosis for some close family friends, we grieve with them, our friend who will NOT be able to watch his own sons grow up. And we recognize how uncertain, how fragile and temporal our lives are this side of Heaven. Our best-laid plans and most treasured dreams and desires—for us and our children—are not ours. One day, maybe in a snap, they could be gone. 

        The poem ends with hinting at Houdini’s impending disappearance, a surrender and acknowledgment of the natural yet heartrending course of our babies growing up and wrenching out of our arms. It’s a reminder of the not-ours-ness of our kids, and in essence, every other part of our lives… 

  

Now he looks at me

the way Houdini studied a box

to learn the way out, then smiled and let himself be manacled.

    

        As our friends grapple with their grief, I’m astounded by their peace. In their own surrender and acknowledgment of this natural yet bitter turn of life, they are grounded in knowing that our God gives and takes away… not out of spite or sport, but out of his goodness and love. In one word, were I to describe this family struck by this sudden suffering, incredibly, it would be grateful. In the face of actual loss and real physical pain, they recognize the blessings of what has been. The big: 18 years of marriage; 5 beautiful, spirited children; a life lived not for themselves but the privilege of serving God and others. And the small: the countless visits to their favorite theme parks, tiny beings jumping in their beds (even now at the hospital), the little hands slipped into theirs or that grab onto their shirttails as they walk down the street. They perceive the uncertainty of what will be, but even more so, they recognize the grace given to them for each additional day they have together, as they continue to live the now and hope in an eternal future.

    

    And so I hold onto this tension as we charge into the school year—excitement for our growing children and heartache over their waning childhoods; sorrow for our friends, yet learning from them a posture of both grief and gratitude. I’m buoyant as my arms wrap around my son’s broadening shoulders, yet I’m very much tethered to the ground. And we eagerly, though a bit trepidly, lean into what’s to come. Even as it leads to a sort of ends in maybe many ways celebratory and tragic. 

    

    But it is the natural course of life. And I thank God that we are in his grasp. How fortunate and blessed we are to be here now, humbly, learning to anticipate the future loosely, with gratitude and surrender.

Tested: Turning 40 (An Honest Review)

I turned 40, so you don't have to.

There has been much commotion around turning 40. All agree that it’s a major life milestone, but while some regret this transition as a considerable decline, others regard this as the start of the age of wisdom. So, which is it?

A little while ago, I was in my late 30s, and one day I just went ahead and turned 40. It’s been two years now, and I can feel a marked difference. If you are considering turning 40, or maybe you’re just curious about it, read on and see if the 40 Series is right for you.

Comfort & Fit

The first thing I noticed about turning 40 was how uncomfortable this model is. Right off the bat, the 40s just felt different: There was a general achiness, injury from a previously innocuous activity, and heaven forbid I should sleep in the wrong position at night, only to wake up feeling like I’d been run over by a truck.

Let’s talk about fit. This model tends to be wider and heavier than previous models, with no apparent benefit to the added heft. Points docked for this, obviously.

 

Appearance

There is a dullness to the exterior that I can’t seem to buff out. I’ve done some research and have bought different creams and polishes, but the discoloration and cracks in the surface remain. What gives? This seems to be pretty consistent across the 40 Series, so I don’t think it’s just me. Be aware that this could be a design flaw.

 

Power & Performance

I’m only two years in, but already I’ve noticed a marked decrease in overall power. Or I swear, the jar manufacturers across the world have banded to super-tighten the seals on all their lids. Visibility has also weakened, especially of objects close at hand and in low lighting. This can’t be good.

But while physical performance has diminished, executive functioning skyrockets. This model is capable of juggling: work; grocery runs; meal prep; housecleaning; appointments; care for aging parents; multiple kids’ soccer practices, gymnastics, piano lessons, play dates; personal care; and so on. This multi-function feature is truly amazing.

 

Maintenance

Regular maintenance is something you’ll need to invest in after turning 40. Stretching is now paramount before a workout—heck, maybe even before your day! Ice packs will become your friend. Though mileage may vary, you can expect an increase in professional tune-ups with the chiropractor and physical therapist, as components start to loosen. And shall we mention mammograms, and later, in the 50 Series—colonoscopies? Good grief!

 

Energy Efficiency

This model is definitely not as energy efficient as the 20 Series or even the 30 Series. In fact, there are days when energy levels remain low, despite plugging in at night. There might be problems with the software, which seems to glitch in and out, preventing a full, uninterrupted charge. Currently, this appears to be a manufacturing defect and there is not much to be done. Except coffee.

 

Value

The overall monetary value of this model is usually higher than that of the 30 Series and definitely higher than that of the 20 Series, due to the 40’s extended duration in the workplace, accruing assets. This, of course, is not always the case. But if it is, then you can enjoy some general financial security, which is a feature not to be overlooked.

Optional Accessory Packs

The most popular accessory pack is the Kid Bundle, which is highly customizable with the 1-Kid, 2-Kid, 3-Kid pack, and so on, though they’re all pretty pricey (even the 1-Kid pack). In the beginning, they will strain your engine and drain your battery, but if you play your cards right, the Kid Bundle should start to really help over time, especially when we get into the 70 Series and beyond.

These can be finicky, though, even the best-made ones, and while I wish there was a manual for maintaining them (there isn’t; I’ve checked), their ROI is fairly high, so it is overall worth it to invest in the Kid Bundle, should you choose to go that route.

With that said, the Kid Bundle is most frequently added onto the 30 Series and sometimes the 20 Series (usually the later models). Note that acquiring one in the 40s can be more challenging (see Energy Efficiency above) and even risky, but it can be done.

 

Overall Satisfaction               

Turning 40 has its perks. I do appreciate the overall stability of this series. There is a security in place that is borne from the passage of the earlier 20 Series and 30 Series.

Still, I am only two years in, and I’m already seeing serious signs of physical wear and tear, which troubles me.

What helps, though, is those who have upgraded to the 50 Series and 60 Series and beyond, who seem content with their models. Though certain capabilities decrease dramatically with the progression of each series, these models are not bound by their physical limitations, and performance can be quite impressive. These are the ones who maintain that I, having turned 40, am on the cusp of something wizened and authentic and true.

For now, I’m committing to the 40s a little while longer. I’ll trust those with the higher series models that there might be some valuable benefits that I have yet to unlock.

Overall, though, I still cannot recommend turning 40. Even with its benefits, it’s a hard sell, given the 40’s decreased energy efficiency and low comfort ratings. But if it must be done, it at least has enough backing that attests to the worthwhile experience it can be. Still, I would keep expectations low. And choose a really good maintenance package.

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Follow me for more honest reviews. Next week, I’m diving deeper into the Kid Bundle Accessory Pack. Which combo is right for you? And how hard and fast is the no-returns policy? Subscribe to find out.