"Well, the book says..."

The Nursing Mother's Companion
What to Expect: The First Year
Your Baby's First Year
Babywise
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
The Sleep Easy Solution
The Wonder Weeks
Baby Play
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems

These are the books I've read over the last three months.  Let's not forget the countless websites and mommy forums I've also pored through.  I'm crazy!!!  And a stress case, trying to do everything "right" according to the books. While Caedmon's week 8 fussies are gone, thank goodness (they were most likely caused by a developmental leap, according to The Wonder Weeks), he is still napping poorly. Except for his morning nap, which is still a solid 2 hours, he naps for only 30-45 minutes each time for the rest of the day.  And I am on a mission to solve this problem that has been plaguing my entire being.

So I have immersed myself in baby literature, and perhaps, as Wayne suggests, it may be causing more harm than good.  While I am definitely more informed, I may be TOO informed.  I am hyper-vigilant during his activity time, mindful not to overstimulate him and simultaneously watching his cues and the clock, lest we keep him up too long.  I employ soothing-to-sleep methods while putting him down, careful to get the technique just right, as I've read over and over and rehearsed in my head.  When he stirs, I put on white noise or administer the "shush-pat", as advised by the Baby Whisperer.  Sometimes he sleeps extra long in the mornings, and I worry, "Is this okay?  Will it interfere with the rest of his day?  The books say he should be napping 1 1/2 to 2 hours."  And the worst is when he wakes early, as he always does, and I am at a loss... I've done everything right!  Perhaps it is the "45-minute intruder", according to Babywise, and he is hungry.  But he isn't interested in food, and I don't want to turn him into a snacker, as warned by the Baby Whisperer.  Is it another wonder week?  Or a growth spurt, which What to Expect says should come around this time... Okay, let's see what Babywise Mom has to say...

Wow, I sound like a nut.  And poor Wayne has to listen and endure my frantic distress.  But he is so patient.  Yes, he calls me crazy, but he also reminds me that books are books; we have a REAL BABY, not a robot.  And what a joyful baby we have!  Caedmon is thriving, smiling and happy.  Why am I so worried all the time?

I really should just take a deep breath and a step back... and away from all these books and references.  With my nose buried so deeply into these guides and my mind so wrapped up in what "should be", I may miss out on these fleeting magical moments.  Perhaps I should listen to my own intuition sometimes, or just let go, roll with the punches, and ENJOY this time, even if Caedmon isn't napping.  I need to relax, revel in these moments, and remember that every child is different, and no matter how difficult the problem, this, too, shall pass.

Because, you know, that's what the books say...

Goodbye, Indee.

Indee passed away on Tuesday.  She was 15.  My mom had taken her to the vet, because Indee hadn't been eating.  Dwindled to a mere 22 lbs, Indee was weak and had trouble standing without shaking.  The vet said it was time, so my mom held Indee in her lap as she took her last breaths.  Before she left us, Indee let out a tiny whimper, as if to say "goodbye".

I'm going to miss my pup.  After all, she was my first love. 

I still remember when we picked her from the litter.  We had chosen her because the breeder had said that she was extra adventurous and brave.  Hm... did he have the right puppy?  Because our little Indee turned out to be prone to car sickness (she threw up in my lap on the drive home), terrified of new experiences (she scampered up every driveway during our early walks, desperately hoping it was home), and skittish at sudden movements (or maybe we had lunged at her one too many times to pick her up and hold her... think Elmira, from Animaniacs).  Still, Indee endured our antics and in true canine fashion, demonstrated her devotion and loyalty to us unconditionally.

Indee was exceedingly sweet.  So much so that she became a favorite amongst the neighborhood children.  One time while I was visiting home from college, the doorbell rang.  I looked at my mom quizzically, as we weren't expecting any visitors, only to have my mother say very nonchalantly as she made her way to the door, "Oh, that must be Indee's friends."  Sure enough, there on our doorstep was a handful of elementary-aged children, leash in hand, asking if Indee could come out and play. 

Indee was also popular with the early morning hikers on Mission Peak, the hiking trail by our house.  My mom and Indee used to hike that trail almost every day, and Indee would run back and forth excitedly, greeting fellow hikers along the way.  All the regulars knew "Indee and her owner".  I think Indee was happiest on that trail. 

We knew Indee was getting old when she started losing interest in her hikes.  Usually jumping up and down when my mom put on her hiking clothes, Indee wouldn't even lift her head.  Some mornings, Indee actually hid when it was time to go, afraid my mom would drag her out.  Indee stayed with us the last two years, during which she grew increasingly weak.  Though overtaken by feebleness in these last days, Indee still made the utmost effort to spend time with us, plodding off her bed to nuzzle and sit with us as we watched TV, or sticking her nose in my face to say "good morning".

I'm going to fondly remember Indee's heart, the grin on her face while running through the hills, and even her stinkiness.  Indee's not suffering anymore; I'm thankful for that.  And I'm thankful that for the last 15 years, I've known the love of my "Golden Retriever/German Shepherd/Collie/Sheltie/Chow Chow mix". 

At the top of Mission Peak, Indee's favorite place. 

to change or not to change...

To change or not to change, that is the question... Caedmon fed really well at 5:30am, then fell promptly back to sleep, and, until he takes another turn in his development and routines, he won't wake again until around 9am.  Ahhh... peaceful bliss.  Except, one whiff of his bottom has just told me that Caedmon has soiled his diaper... so do I change him and wake him, risking the likely chance that he will not fall back asleep?  and thus, beginning the unhappy cycle of no sleep-->overtired, fussy baby-->difficulty falling asleep-->no sleep... Or do I let him sleep, subsequently allowing my son to stew in his own mess?

I have chosen the stew.

an UNhappy 2-months

Caedmon is two months old today, but instead of celebrating, I'm banging my head against the wall out of fatigue, frustration, and distress.  Caedmon's not faring any better himself.  All of a sudden this week, my "easy baby" is no longer sleeping well during his naps.  He wakes up after just 30 minutes, crying.  While I know that it is normal for babies to wake up after their 30-45 minute sleep cycles, Caedmon has been unable to fall back asleep to finish his naps.  No amount of holding or rocking or white noise has helped to even console him, let alone get him to sleep.  This has created one very sleep-deprived little boy who is now super fussy and cranky.

Just when we were falling into a routine... just when I thought we were finally figuring things out... he changes on us.

I don't know what to do with this new baby.  I'm so distraught, as nothing we do seems to help.  I've been reading and diligently implementing strategies from Babywise and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, but today, out of desperation, I threw everything I've learned out the window.  It was not eat/wake/sleep, but more like eat/sleep/eat/wake/rock/eat/sleep/rock/wake/eat.  I picked him up when he was crying instead of allowing him to self-soothe.  I kept offering him the breast when I knew he wasn't hungry, in efforts just to have him stop crying.  And in doing so, have I completely torn down all steps of progress toward routine and structure?  Honestly, that wouldn't be so impermissible had I just been able to console him!

In eleven minutes, I'm expecting The Cry... "Caedmon's call", I guess you could say.

Until then, I will lap up the rest of this peace and quiet.  And I'll share these photo taken earlier.  Sigh, just one look at his little face, and I'm restored, at least partially, and enough to press on.  This, too, shall pass, right? 

Indee Goes Home

I was going to title this post "Goodbye, Indee", but I didn't want it to seem as though Indee had passed away.  No, Indee is still alive but definitely showing signs of her old age.  This past April, Indee turned 15.  On top of her physical degeneration--frailness, old lady wart above her eye, scraggly coat, bad breath, apparent arthritis, deafness in both ears--her mental state has been steadily slipping, as well.

Her senile moments include plodding into the middle of a room and staring off into space, wandering off when I leave the front door open (not running away, just ambling about in a confused state), making accidents in the house (at least her "Indee pellets", as we call them, are dry and easy to clean up), and the other day, wandering into the space behind an open door in a bedroom, getting stuck, and loudly whimpering until I found her to set her "free"... twice.  She even tried crawling into Caedmon's bassinet that we had set on the ground, thinking it was a dog bed, to which I thoroughly freaked out. 

During my mom's last visit, she suggested that Indee come back to live with them in Fremont, now that my parents are back from China.  Though I felt bad at first for "sending her away", Indee's really just going home.  Yesterday, we said goodbye to Indee, as Sam and Steven drove her back to my parents'.  I still expect to see Indee (or smell her) when I walk into our bedroom, napping away... but I feel better knowing that she's home with my mom, and she's being well loved and receiving the proper care that an old pup like her needs. 

Caedmon.

The story behind the name "Caedmon" (as told by my sister, Sam... she did such a good job paraphrasing the folktale, that I've simply reposted here)...

In 7th century Northumbria (modern day Northern England and Southeast Scotland), there lived a quiet man named Caedmon who cared for the animals at the monastery Streonaeshalch. He didn't know much about music, so when the monks would play instruments and sing, he'd shamefully leave the festivities to just be alone with the animals and go to sleep early.

Gaelic legends say that the Lord came to him in a dream and asked him to sing. At first, he refused because of his lack of knowledge and insecurity. But he eventually obeyed, and music came out! When he awoke, he remembered the words and tune he sang and wrote down the song that God put on his heart.

He went on to pen many more songs and poems with his newfound boldness. English writers of sacred verse tried to imitate Caedmon for centuries, but none managed to parallel his words' descriptive beauty.

Wayne and I also hope and pray that our Caedmon will grow up to know and listen to the Lord and His calling.  Welcome to the world, little guy! 
 

an owl-themed nursery

Here's our owl-themed nursery!  You can't see it, but the bookshelf in the corner contains owl bookends that I just adore!  (Thank you, FHS staff!)  I wasn't able to find a motorized mobile with owls on it, so I took one with jungle animals on it (thank you, Colleen!) and changed them out with owl stroller toys (and thanks, Aunt Sam!). 

I hope our son likes owls!  :)

39 weeks

That's me and Baby--39 weeks (and a day) along.  I'm feeling great, though.  Surprisingly, no backache, no heartburn, no swollen ankles... I never even had morning sickness.  But for all my mom friends who are narrowing your eyes with envy, may I console you by telling you that I DID have (and still have remnants of) a HORRENDOUS rash, not once but twice in my pregnancy.  The second time was so horrific that my doctor called in two other physicians to look at me.  Apparently, I had an infection stemming from my navel that manifested itself in a nasty rash all over my belly that spread to my back, arms, legs, and a little on my face.  See, I've had my own pregnancy woes.

But I'm almost there!  No signs of contractions yet (or at least I'm not feeling them), but his head is really low, and I feel his arrival is imminent. 

I'm trying to convince Baby to wait just a little bit longer, though.  I still have Amsterdam and London to finish in my Europe album, I wanted to clean our home from top to bottom, and I have many odds and ends errands to run... Please, Baby, Mamma just needs a little more time.

A friend whose due date was just a day before mine had her baby last night!  (Congrats, Steph and Tony!)  Yup... he's coming, whether I'm ready or not.  I suppose I had better get used to living by a schedule that isn't entirely mine anymore, anyway...

Pregnancy Brain

It's a real condition.  Though some cursory research on the internet shows that most researchers have found no scientific proof for pregnancy brain, most moms will attest to its reality.  I can, too.  While many women experience pregnancy brain in the form of absent-mindedness, my pregnancy brain has manifested itself mostly in my misreading of words, which hasn't caused much harm except for momentary bouts of confusion.

For example, this morning, a friend on Facebook shared an article from the news site www.baycitizen.com, and I read "babycitizen" and wondered why a baby site would be reporting on a developing murder story and why this friend (male, engaged-but-not-yet-married) would be frequenting sites like babycitizen.com.  And how reputable is this source anyway?...when I realized my mistake.

There have been many, many, MANY more occurrences, but I also chalk it up to pregnancy brain that I've subsequently forgotten them all.

Showered with Love

This weekend, Wayne, Baby, and I were showered with so much love from our friends and family.

On Friday was Shower #1, thrown by Wayne's coworkers! It was so kind and sweet of them to do this for us!

 

four different cupcake flavors: chocolate peanut butter, chocolate cookies 'n cream, vanilla blackberry, and vanilla cookies 'n cream.  I tried them all, of course.

Lots of babies!  Ours will be in good company.

 Baseball-themed diaper cake!

I LOVE these owl bookends!!!

 I've already put them to good use!

Saturday was Shower #2, thrown by Sam, Emily, Stef, and Sanli!  These ladies put in so much time,  effort, and creativity into making this children's book themed event super special! 

Fun, frilly sign made by Emily!

These lanterns were made by my sister, Sam, and are covered with pictures from favorite children's books.

Stef made these book garlands that contained actual excerpts from Where the Red Fern Grows, my favorite book.

 Our food fit the theme too.  Here are cupcake pops (made by Sanli) from If You Give a Cat a Cupcake.  Other treats were Rainy with a Chance of Meatballs cocktail meatballs, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie chocolate chip cookies, Puff the Magic Dragon pastry puffs, The Hungry Caterpillar fresh fruit, The Tales of Peter Rabbit veggies and hummus, and The Stinky Cheese Man baked brie and crackers.

 The diaper station, where friends wrote messages to us on diapers.  This should bring a smile even during midnight diaper changes!

 Everyone brought a favorite children's book to help our little bookworm start his collection.

 The favors: fabric-covered button bookmarks (handmade by Stef) attached to library book check-out sleeves (designed and printed by Emily).

 Emily, Stef, Sam, and Sanli--THANK YOU for such a fun and beautiful shower!  

I feel so, so, SO blessed by everyone's love this weekend!  Thank you!!!