"Mrs. Toes"

For a class that I don't like, I sure think and talk about 7th period a lot! I know that I need to stop letting ONE class dictate how I feel towards teaching as a whole, so I am making an effort to focus on the positives that God has graced me with so far.

One such praise is one of my EL students who calls me "Mrs. Toes." I don't know if its the language thing or if she's being funny, so I just leave it. She is the sweetest little thing and is my unofficial TA. She continually asks if I need help and has come after school several times to help me with all sorts of odds and ends. After one especially hard day a few weeks ago, I left her in the room with a stack of student-drawn posters and a box of pushpins and hastily left to speak with other teachers and admin about a particularly peevish incident that occurred in 7th period. Even after speaking with admin, I still had my knickers all in a knot and was muttering under my breath as I made my way back to my classroom... but when I opened the door, I was greeted with the most welcoming site. All my posters were beautifully hung with obvious care, and there sat my student, in one of the desks in the middle of my room, quietly doing her homework while she waited for me to come back. When I thanked her for her hard work, all she said was, "You're welcome, Mrs. Toes... Do you know how to do math?" And so we did some algebra together, and though she didn't know it, I just wanted to scoop her up and hug her and take her home with me, because she was the balm that I needed for my blistery day.

I thank God for moments of reprieve like this. I know that if God allowed this job for me, then He'll also take me through it, even if I emerge with a few battle scars.

my class from hell

That would be my 7th period.

First, it was the throwing of paper. Wads of paper, paper airplanes, little paper pellets... thrown on the floor, thrown across the room, thrown at other students. I had to threaten with referrals before they stopped--more or less.

Then, there was the whistling. Because if they couldn't throw things, then maybe they could disrupt the class in a more inconspicuous way, like whistling! I also had a couple of days when someone brought party poppers and popped them, sprinkling confetti and streamers all over--in the middle of a test! Then there was the barking, and always, the incessant talking...

And now, it's the pine cones. I've been left a pine cone on my desk the last two days--strange, but innocuous. But today, when I had finally gotten everyone quiet and focused on their tests, a pine cone was launched across the floor, hitting the cabinet, and causing everyone, of course, to scream and shout and speculate about wild squirrels, etc. I, however, paid it no heed and acted like it was the most normal thing to have a large pine cone skate across the classroom floor.  Because that's what they want from me--a reaction. And I wasn't going to give it to them. Without a reaction, the disruption quickly died down, and the pine cone was left on the floor, unable to cause anymore harm.

But it's never-ending. As soon as I quell one misbehavior, another surfaces... it's like those whack-a-moles... only i wish i could actually whack some of these moles I have as students.

I wonder (dread?)... what will tomorrow bring?

I've been Yelped!

I was randomly perusing Yelp and happened across the link for Nordstrom Arden Fair, where I used to work. Out of curiosity to see what raves and reviews my old stomping grounds boasts, I clicked on the link and, like settling in with a favorite book, started reading the familiar stories... oh, yes, we give stellar customer service. oh, look, someone lost her boots and they actually REPLACED them for her! and yes, we do have good food at the cafe... and then all of a sudden, I saw something about "Cecilia in Women's Activewear" from Patrick Y.! That's me!!!

I am completely shocked, pleasantly surprised, and amused that I have been yelped! :)

the toughest job in the world

Teaching is difficult. There are so many things to juggle--130 kids, 3 different lessons a day, all their grades, one kid's special accommodations, another kid's accommodations, and another... managing a classroom (make that 5), engaging the squirrely Freshmen, actually TEACHING them something they will remember... And I feel like I'm failing miserably.

Today I gave a test on characterization. It's a test that we all have to give if we are teaching 9th grade English, so I didn't write it. I don't like some of the questions or how it's so super long, but I have to give it. I, personally, don't think it's difficult, and if my students had paid attention, they shouldn't have thought it was difficult either. But today, I watched many of my students get trampled on... and isn't that just a poor reflection of me as their teacher? Shouldn't I have been able to prepare them better? But I tried...

I always thought the hardest part of teaching would be coming up with lesson plans and material to teach... and then as naive as I was, I thought my students would just learn. I mean, that's how I was as a student. But my students apparently aren't taking what I'm offering them. It's like watching Indee refuse her kibble all over again... the food that I know will nourish her and make her stronger, but that for some reason she refuses to take. My students (even some of my honors kids) don't study and they don't do their work... I know it's partially because of their demographic... but how do I change that??? And again, I circle it back to myself as an ineffective teacher. How does one TEACH??

After school today, I just sat at my desk for a good half hour, staring at nothing in particular, too deflated to tackle the stacks of poorly written essays and tests that I know I'll bleed all over later with my red pen. How does one teach?

They are right when they say that first year teaching is like learning how to swim by being thrown into the deep end... or a raging sea. I'm working so hard and doing my best, but I'm making no progress, water is going up my nose, and I'm sinking fast.

Would someone, please, throw me a lifeline.