Last night was another sleepless night for me. Since Caedmon's fever a couple of weeks ago, he's been waking at 10 or 11, and because I was afraid he was hungry (he hadn't been eating his solids), I've been nursing him. I'm not against feeding my baby at night, but I'll do it only if he is truly hungry. He normally goes from 7 to 7 without a feed, so I know he can do it. However, if there is even an inkling of doubt whether he is hungry or not, I always feed him; I'm so paranoid over his hunger. The trouble with that, though, is that it's so easy to create a habit, so that he starts taking these calories at nighttime instead of day, and that's exactly what has happened. Waking at 10 or 11, though, is not much of a bother, which is probably why I hadn't taken much action to shift his caloric intake.
The last couple of nights, though, he's been waking at 1 and 2AM. Now THAT is a bother. But if he's hungry, what can I do?
The first night when he woke at 1AM, I went in to nurse him, but for some strange reason, my letdown would not come in. I tried for 15 minutes as poor Caedmon would suck furiously and then get so upset that nothing was coming out. Caedmon wailed, arching his back and flinging his body back in frustration. I was feeling the same inside. All l I could do was rock and sing; I felt so helpless. ... and then the unexpected happened. Caedmon calmed down. So I continued to rock and sing... and Caedmon fell asleep! More precious sleeping baby moments, which I am always thankful for, but even more than that, it was a revelation. He wasn't hungry. I mean, sure, he probably would have eaten if I had been able to offer, but he didn't NEED it. And that's all I needed to proceed with Project Sleep-Through-The-Night-Again.
So last night, Caedmon woke at 2AM. After letting him cry, having Wayne go in and rock, and then me going in to soothe and rock, Caedmon finally slept at 5AM. At that point, Caedmon still wasn't looking very sleepy, but I had to put him down, because I was getting so tired. He cried to protest, of course, but less than 10 minutes later, he was out. Sheesh, if it was this easy, why didn't you do it sooner? Sometimes I think our meddling (i.e. going in to soothe and rock) actually makes everything worse. Had we let him cry, he probably would have been asleep sooner... but when I'm meddling, at least I feel like I'm DOING something. (And this is the slippery slope of becoming an annoying, overbearing mother.)
Right now, and last night, especially, Project Sleep-Through-The-Night-Again hardly seems worth it, as I was up all night anyway. Wouldn't it be so much easier on everyone if I just nursed him? But I do recall how glorious those 7-7 nights were, and how much better rested Caedmon was (how we all were), and so I will press on.
Today is a new day... giving way to a new night. Hopefully, there is more rest for us all on the horizon.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Playing Hooky
I'm sitting in Starbucks right now. Just me, no baby. Wayne's mom is watching Caedmon while I steal away for a bit to run some errands, when an idea crept into my head... Really? Can I do it? Should I do it? Should I get some coffee... and just SIT? I have more errands I could run, and I almost waved this CRAZY idea away, but I'm feeling wild and adventurous today. Step aside, grocery list, this momma's got a date with some decaf! Gosh, it feels like ages since I've done this.
Except... mom-guilt is already kicking in. Cecilia, what about the rest of your errands? When will you have time to finish those? And don't you remember how hard Caedmon was crying when you left? Maybe you should just go home... You can always make coffee and play some Pandora at home.
Augh, stop it! Caedmon will be fine, and if anything, it's good for him to be with other people; he's been SO attached to me lately.
That's actually been on my mind a lot, how grumpy and distressed he is with others, and it seems to be getting worse, as evidenced by this past Sunday at church. We usually leave him in the nursery during service, and even though he cries when we leave, we know that he'll be okay. This past Sunday, though, not long after we settled into our seats, Caedmon's childcare number flashed on the screen, signaling that we needed to tend to our little one. When I got to the room, Caedmon was sniffling and trying to catch his breath. His eyes were shut tight, and his face was red and streaked with tears. One look at me, and he nearly leapt out of the nursery worker's arms. And then he was fine. We played for a bit on the floor. Caedmon loved all the new toys and watching the other babies, and we even got a chuckle out of him a few times. As long as I am by his side, my little monster is golden.
I expressed my concern and lament over my little shadow and how I wished he was an easier baby who would happily go to others, to which the nursery worker said something that really struck me... "It won't always be like this."
Wow. Yes, it won't always be like this, in the sense that it won't always be this difficult for Caedmon and he won't always have such a hard time with separation anxiety. But also, it won't always be like this.... that I will be the world to my baby... that my little boy will crave my cuddles and kisses... that I'll have the ability to erase all woes and worries and make everything good and perfect for my son, simply with a hug and a smile. No, it won't always be like this. (Isn't there a country song like this?) Again, reminders to cherish these moments...
Though, right now, I will allow myself to cherish my peppermint mocha and TIME magazine.
**edit**
Thanks to Steven F., here's the song. Say what you will about country--it's cheesy, saccharine, hokey... but it sure knows how to pull at the heart strings. I'm sure any parent can relate to this:
Except... mom-guilt is already kicking in. Cecilia, what about the rest of your errands? When will you have time to finish those? And don't you remember how hard Caedmon was crying when you left? Maybe you should just go home... You can always make coffee and play some Pandora at home.
Augh, stop it! Caedmon will be fine, and if anything, it's good for him to be with other people; he's been SO attached to me lately.
That's actually been on my mind a lot, how grumpy and distressed he is with others, and it seems to be getting worse, as evidenced by this past Sunday at church. We usually leave him in the nursery during service, and even though he cries when we leave, we know that he'll be okay. This past Sunday, though, not long after we settled into our seats, Caedmon's childcare number flashed on the screen, signaling that we needed to tend to our little one. When I got to the room, Caedmon was sniffling and trying to catch his breath. His eyes were shut tight, and his face was red and streaked with tears. One look at me, and he nearly leapt out of the nursery worker's arms. And then he was fine. We played for a bit on the floor. Caedmon loved all the new toys and watching the other babies, and we even got a chuckle out of him a few times. As long as I am by his side, my little monster is golden.
I expressed my concern and lament over my little shadow and how I wished he was an easier baby who would happily go to others, to which the nursery worker said something that really struck me... "It won't always be like this."
Wow. Yes, it won't always be like this, in the sense that it won't always be this difficult for Caedmon and he won't always have such a hard time with separation anxiety. But also, it won't always be like this.... that I will be the world to my baby... that my little boy will crave my cuddles and kisses... that I'll have the ability to erase all woes and worries and make everything good and perfect for my son, simply with a hug and a smile. No, it won't always be like this. (Isn't there a country song like this?) Again, reminders to cherish these moments...
Though, right now, I will allow myself to cherish my peppermint mocha and TIME magazine.
**edit**
Thanks to Steven F., here's the song. Say what you will about country--it's cheesy, saccharine, hokey... but it sure knows how to pull at the heart strings. I'm sure any parent can relate to this:
"It Won't Be Like This for Long" by Darius Rucker
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