Cat's Out of the Bag!

Last week, a student (during detention, nonetheless) asked me, "Mrs. To, can I ask you a question?  ... Don't be offended."  uhh... Before I had a chance to say anything, he asked, "Are you pregnant?"  what??  The look on my face said it all, though, and he and the few other students in my room started cheering and exclaiming, "I knew it!"

Since my little secret was out, I announced my pregnancy to the rest of my classes today.  And to my surprise, they all told me that they had been speculating for weeks!  They said that they knew because I was wearing a lot of baggy and loose clothes, and some of them noticed my baby bump.  I guess they do just stare at me for an hour every day... but still, I thought I was being SO slick.  I had even boasted to friends that my students had no idea, and I was probably going to be able to hold out until after Christmas!

I guess my students are a lot more observant than I give them credit for. 

It was very sweet to have my students so happy and excited for me... though I did advise them that "are you pregnant?" is never a good question to ask a woman!

It's a Boy!!!

Wayne and I went in for the ultrasound on Thursday, and it was clear as day--our baby bean is a boy!  After resigning himself as a father of three girls, and all of whom would be crazy and loud like me, Wayne was excited, and even a little surprised, by the news.  A BOY!  And now I'm the nervous one... I have no idea what to do with boys!

I'm sure I'll learn, though... or so I hope.  I will love him despite all the extra messes I already foresee...  the little boy obsession with wrestling and blowing things up (that may not solely be confined to little boys)... and the extra energy and rambunctiousness I've witnessed in so many a Sunday School terror.

That's what Wayne and I have been learning about lately--love.

Last week, we found out some scary news, that our baby has a 1 in 21 chance of having Down Syndrome (most women my age carry the risk of only 1 in 500).  While this means that our baby is more than 95% going to be normal, the results are still alarming, and we were scheduled a level 2 genetics ultrasound right away with the option of having an amniocentesis performed that day.  With the ultrasound, the doctor would be able to inspect its organs and measure the baby's bones for signs of normal development, but it is the amniocentesis, a procedure in which they extract amniotic fluid from my uterus, that provides conclusive results as to whether our child has Down Syndrome or not.  The downside to the amnio, though, is that it does carry with it a slight risk of miscarriage. 

Wayne and I went back and forth concerning the amnio.  While we REALLY want to know if our baby has Downs or not, we wrestled with whether that was enough of a reason to subject our baby to any risk of harm, even if it was just a slight risk.  After a lot of deliberating, talking with others, and prayer, we decided not to proceed with the amnio.  In the end, our worst case scenario wouldn't be waiting five months to find out our baby has Downs, but to lose the baby unnecessarily through the process.

We went into the ultrasound with peace of mind and heart, and seeing our baby on that monitor... it was magical.  We got to see his spinal cord, femur, brain, his little fingers and toes, all four chambers of his heart beating healthily, the tiny valves that provide him with oxygen right now but will close once he meets the world...  And we learned our little baby is a boy, which makes it all that much more real.  The doctor said that our son's bone structure looks good--no signs of Downs--which is a relief.

We are continuing to pray.  And not just for a normal baby, but for our own hearts as well.  Through this process, we realized just how many expectations we already had for our baby... we wanted him to be smart and athletic... and if he played an instrument or two, that wouldn't hurt.  Now, we're just praying for his health and that he loves the Lord... and that we will be parents who will support, nurture, and veer him towards Christ.  We need to keep everything, including our children, in our open palms, as nothing is ours, but the Lord's.  This is a lesson in letting go, before our baby has even arrived.  And it's a lesson in loving and accepting our child, our son, no matter what. 

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21).

His & Hers

His.  Programming and playing "Civ 5" while watching a "Deadliest Warriors" marathon.

Hers.  Scrapbooking while watching "Grey's Anatomy."  And crying.  Yes, crying... over a dying mother who has to say her goodbyes to her teenage daughter. 

Further evidence that men and women really are from different planets.

A Happy Three Years

Nothing like a backyard campout to celebrate!

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart!

oh, my goodness.

that's all I can say...

Denim Jumpsuit now on sale at J.Crew for $69.99 (originally $298).  I think you'd have to pay me $298 to wear this in public.

Home Goods happiness

Home Goods is made GREAT when shopping with best friends.

... especially when they are good sports when I say, "Oops... I don't know if it will all fit in my trunk."

  ... and even more so when one of those best friends is also an expert styler and takes the initiative to rummage through your home for items to "complete the look."

This has nothing to do with Home Goods, but everything to do with Jessie's long-standing love affair...

Thanks for visiting, ladies!  Y'all come back now, ya hear?

an addiction.

 I think I have a problem.  I’m addicted to fun experiences… No, seriously, I read it in a book.

The Seven’s [the personality type which I’ve diagnosed myself] characteristic vise is gluttony, literally the desire to stuff oneself with food... Gluttony is the emotional response of wanting to stuff the self with external gratifications in response to the experience of feeling frustrated, empty, and needy.  Rather than experience emptiness and neediness directly, Sevens attempt to escape from anxiety by distracting themselves both with pleasures of the flesh and with mental stimulation (Riso and Hudson, Wisdom of the Enneagram, 272).

See?  Addicted to fun. 

This explains why just two weeks after a month-long tour of Europe, and a week after a wedding and mini-reunion with college friends in Dallas, I’m already planning my next diversion—a cruise to the Mexican Riviera… or Bahamas or Caribbean… or South Pole.  Anywhere, really, that will satisfy my craving for Fun.

There’s more to my obsession.  What with turning 30… and Wayne turning 30… there has been much Baby Talk in the To household.  And while I accept and welcome this next stage in life, I’m also watching my life (as I know it) flash before my eyes.  I must have all the fun I can before I become pregnant and give birth to a million babies… and I’ll never have fun again.  I realize this is untrue on so many, if not all, levels, but this is the desperation that courses through my heart. 

So… What’s on my List of Fun this summer?  Besides a cruise (which realistically won’t happen this summer… darn), I’d like to work on my scrapbook, which I’ve neglected for the last, oh, four years.  Scrapbooking is a far cry from sailing on a cruise, but it’ll have to do.  Oh, and I would very much like to learn how to French braid my own hair.

Yes, I live on the wild side.  Watch out, Elk Grove!  Ceci is on summer break!

P.S. Riso and Hudson's The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types isn't as new-agey and froo-froo as it sounds.  It's actually a very insightful look at what fears and desires compel your thoughts and actions.  I found that understanding my motivations helps me to keep a clearer perspective; i.e. I do NOT need to sail on a cruise, then backpack in Peru, and swim with tiger sharks before kids, because my life is NOT over, right? ............. right?  (Those with kids, please just humor me, and say, "right".)

Florence, aka City of Gluttony

I don't know if I experienced the Florence that everyone raves about.  Yes, there is the Duomo, the sculptures, and the paintings... but I always imagined Florence to be even prettier, more romantic, and artsy.  I suppose part of that fault lies with me, since after a brief peek into the Accademia to see the statue of David, the girls and I hit the San Lorenzo Market where they sell mostly leather goods.  Oh, the leather goods!  I never knew I even LIKED leather goods.  But when it's all around, and everyone is hungrily snatching up the handbags, wallets, and accessories, and you have two friends telling you how great it looks on you, and it truly is a rocking good deal.... you just have to buy it.  I emerged today with a handbag, a clutch, a leather owl key chain (so cute!!), and a leather jacket!  I wasn't even in the market for a leather jacket!  But Christine tried one on... so I tried it on... and the rest is history.

My pack is at least seven pounds heavier... and it's only our third city!

We've been eating gelato several times a day and two dinners a night!  GLUTTONY!!!


Tomorrow, we head out for Rome!

Bonjour!

Wayne and I are in Paris, the first leg of our 3 1/2 week European excursion!  Yesterday was our first day, and after meeting up with Christine and Grace, we went on a bike tour of Paris by Fat Tire Bikes, which was a great way to get orientated with the city, see the sites, and learn a little history.  We were going to walk around Champs Elysees and stick around for the lighting of the Eiffel Tower, but after a long day of traveling, we were dead tired.  (I actually was falling asleep on the bike tour... a different kind of falling asleep at the wheel). 

This morning, Wayne woke up sick!  We'll have to postpone Versailles, as we think it best he rest up and get better for the rest of our trip.  So I took the morning to explore our neighborhood.  We're staying in this really cute little apartment in the Latin Quarter on Rue de Savoie (doesn't it just SOUND cute?).  Actually, I was looking for the grocery store that's supposed to be just a few streets over... I never ended up finding it and after much meandering, I wandered into a bakery and came out with a pain de chocolat (chocolate croissant), pain au fromage (cheese bread), and pain brioche (brioch loaf).  Not a bad morning, afterall!

Please, get better soon, Wayne!


On the plane ride over.  Wayne with his new Kindle, me, studying up on sites and restaurants!

Our apartment from the outside.

our cozy living room





view from the loft, where we sleep

the kitchen area is right behind the white doors





My first Parisian pain de chocolat!

Teaching the Von Trapps to Sing

The hills are alive with the sound of music… and not just because it’s summer break and I have Grey’s Anatomy streaming on Netflix, but because I’ve emerged from my first year of teaching as a stronger, more confident and capable educator.

What a year it has been.  I remember when I first started… I was a doe-eyed, naïve, idealistic, guitar-wielding nun from the convent... oh, wait.  Scratch that last part.  What I mean to say is, I was a deer in the headlights, facing 120 inquiring (and not-so-inquiring) minds every day, and I had no idea what I was doing.  It was frightening.  I still don’t completely know what I’m doing, but I have at least one year’s experience under my belt.  And beyond the curriculum, the classroom management strategies, and the professional development, I have witnessed the power of relationship building, and what it can do for the classroom.

I had my independent Liesls (“I’m 16 years old, and I DON’T need a governess!”), impossible Friedrichs, mischievous Louisas, incorrigible but lovable Kurts, the seldom but always appreciated nose-in-the-book Brigittas, and the well-behaved Martas and Gretls.  I had 120 of them, and it was cowboys and Indians when I first started… when they were testing me, and I was going insane, and there was no work getting done in the classroom.

But what a transformation. 

I guess it just took time, and also very purposeful relationship building… talking to the Liesls about their boy problems, encouraging the Friedrichs and Kurts to step up when they were afraid or didn’t want to do their work, joking with the Louisas, and showing them all that I genuinely cared about them.  And that has made all the difference. 

By the end of the school year, the Von Trapps were analyzing poetry, critically reading and responding to newspaper articles and other expository texts, and experiencing, understanding and acting out Shakespeare!  I am SO proud of the strides they have made, and even more, the effort they put forth into deepening their minds. 

And what a transformation in myself, as well.  I can now genuinely say that I enjoy teaching and am starting to carve out my niche in the profession.  I love my students and helping them see and reach their potential.  And instead of ending each day thinking, "I can't wait until next year... when I don't have to do this anymore," it's now, "I can't wait until next year... when I can do it again and do it better!" 

It is ironic that now that I have finally embraced the profession, I don’t know if there will even be a “next year.”  I’ve been pink slipped, of course, and with the potential $40 million budget cut next school year in our district, the prospect of being rehired looks bleak for me.  I did have a very encouraging “we’re-letting-you-go-but-will-do-our-best-to-rehire-you” meeting with my principal before I left, but in the end, it comes down to dollars and seniority, neither of which is on my side.

So I don’t know what will happen come August and September, but whatever happens, I take comfort in the fact that God is orchestrating this symphony.  Nonetheless, I am so thankful for this past year.  If nothing else, it has helped me better understand my husband and what he goes through every day.  For now, I will take this time to relax a bit, unwind, and celebrate that at least for one year, I was able to teach the Von Trapps to sing. 

my next thirty years

my anthem for the day (except the part about the drinking!)...

My Next Thirty Years
Tim McGraw

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years
In my next thirty years

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age

 

monogram mugs

love these, from anthropologie!

thunder thighs

oh, my goodness.  I just measured the circumference of my right thigh and compared it to Wayne's.  Mine is an inch bigger than his!  0_0

Act 1, Scene 5--ACTION!

Today my students put on a relatively quickly-prepared performance of Act 1, Scene 5 of Romeo and Juliet (the party scene in which Romeo and Juliet meet).  We spent a couple of days last week in reading, interpreting, and blocking the scene.  I sent them home with masks to complete as homework, and today I taught them a simple Elizabethan dance (to the tune of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift) before we put the whole scene in motion.  Sounds like a fun activity, right?  But honestly, I was dreading this day all weekend. 

I really had no idea how it would turn out, as some of my kids LOVE this unit and others look like they want to stab their eyes out.  It's one thing to passively sit there and take notes or work on a handout, but it's another when a teacher asks you to get up out of your seat and DO something... to speak out... and to DANCE, even.  So I had my apprehensions about today.  There would be so much to juggle and so many students to win over.

First period was kind of a chaotic mess, as it is many times, because it's the first time I'm going through my lesson and I'm still figuring things out.  Just like birth order, though, my first period class is like the first born, generally fairly compliant and will go along with anything I come up with, so it's not usually a problem.  While my transitions were rough and the kids stumbled through their parts, we bumbled through together and students enjoyed the activity.

Third is my middle child--more rebellious, unpredictable, and sometimes more attitude, but also my class with some of the most talent.  I was worried that they'd roll their eyes at the dance and then just sit there when it was time to perform.  Surprisingly, they ALL participated in the dance, and I do believe I detected smiles and even laughter.  :)  They're also the ones who came up with having two boys play Romeo and Juliet (since I taught them that's how Shakespeare did it in the old days), which made for one of the more interesting scenes of the day.

Seventh, oh, seventh.  They definitely are the "baby" of my scholastic family--they make more noise, they demand more of my attention, and there needs to be more structure and rules in place.  But they are fun and full of life, and just like real babies-of-the-family, they hold a special spot in my heart.  Still, I am always wary and apprehensive about new lessons that give them more freedom.  I'm afraid they're going to go crazy.  Today had potential to be one of those days, but all in all, I'd have to say that they were pretty good.  Yes, they had to be reined in--many times.  But the fact that I can actually REIN THEM IN is such a contrast to the beginning of the year, and such a huge praise! 

Oh, and my Honors?  I never talk about them, because they are so good, but I really should.  They are all so excited each day to learn more Shakespeare!  "Mrs. To, are we going to read more Romeo and Juliet today??" "Mrs. To, I know you didn't assign it yet, but I finished reading the rest of the act, and it was so good!"   An educator's DREAM, I tell you!  I was so impressed by their masks and the effort they put into dancing and acting their scene!  I even heard squeals of, "This was the best class ever!" as some of them left for the next period.  Oh, Honors... I am so blessed to have you.

So I would rate Act 1, Scene 5 as a relative success.  Phew!  In the end, I have to keep my eye on my overall goal and objective.  Are my students understanding Shakespeare more because they are EXPERIENCING it, instead of just reading it?  Are they engaged in the activities which will, in turn, hook them into studying the play?  Are they connecting the themes in Romeo and Juliet to real life and able to see how those themes develop within the play?  Hm, a pretty tall order.  I would say that I'm definitely doing my best to fill it.  Act 1, Scene 5 was not the complete disaster that I was afraid of, and there were definite moments of success, so I'll take it!

Now just four more acts to go.................

Indee is 14!

Happy Birthday, Indee!  (She loves lurking in the curtains).

"In fair Verona, where we lay our scene..."

My beautiful poster... that I spent WAY too much time on.  It does help my kids remember who's who while we're reading and what the characters are like, though!  Now the challenge is to get them to remember that it is PRINCE ESCALUS, and not P. Diddy, who seeks peace in his kingdom!

(notice the stars for our star-crossed lovers!  those were added at 3am!)

Lucy, OFF!

We've been suspecting for a while, after noticing little leaves and spots of dirt on the upholstery... but this confirms it.

and again, in Ricky Ricardo voice, "Lucy, you've got some 'splainin to do!"

to write or not to write, that is the question...

My students are finding me on the interwebs, which is why I haven't been posting and why I've blocked my blog for the present.  As someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and loves to share (NEEDS to share), it's been difficult to view my blog as a place for just partial divulgence.  I mean, teaching is practically my life right now; how do I not write about it?  And writing has always been a means of catharsis; how do I not rely on it now as I grow through one of the toughest challenges I've ever faced?

I wish blogger had a way of hiding certain posts while making others public, like livejournal, but until then (which, according my research, will most likely be never) I am probably best off deleting all my harsh posts about teaching, and move forward with a more filtered approach. 

I don't have the heart to do this just yet... those struggles are a part of me and my growth.  So until then, I'll keep my blog private (email me if you want to be added to my readers list), and copy certain posts over to Facebook, which is where most of "my readership" is from anyway.  (I use "my readership" loosely as a concise way of referring to those who may casually encounter my posts, not because I am so conceited to believe I have any sort of a following... though by adding this parenthetical comment, I have already negated all my intentions of being concise in the first place).