Not Just a Blob Anymore: 3 Month Update

Caedmon turned three months old on Monday, and I'm amazed at how much he's growing and developing.  In just a month, he has gained much control of his neck so that he is able to sit in the bebePod unassisted.  He rolls over from tummy to back on both sides, and looks as if he'll be rolling from back to tummy very soon.  His favorite toy is his hands and fingers, often sucking on them so voraciously that he gags himself.  And he is "talking" so much; I love his "ah-goo"s and other baby babble.  Recently, he discovered how to increase the volume of his voice, so now he also enjoys yelling across the room.  And today, he laughed out loud for the first time!  That is probably the most beautiful sound to a mother's ears. 

My favorite development, though, is how attentive and responsive Caedmon has become.  He watches me when I enter and leave the room, and he is clearly happy when he sees me and Wayne.  He not only loves to smile, I've noticed that he loves to make US smile.  Caedmon has this special smirk, like he's flirting with us, and he pulls this out especially when we're trying to put him down for a nap.  He will be really sleepy as I lay him down in his crib, but as soon as his head hits the mattress, his eyes will spring open and he will coo and smile, inviting me to play.  I feel rude in ignoring him, so I've been keeping my eyes closed while I soothe him to sleep, so as not to make eye contact.  Wayne also came up with the idea of acting sleepy, so that Caedmon will pick up on our cues and become drowsy himself.  As I rock Caedmon, I have my eyes closed and Wayne will sometimes stand next to us, eyes closed, head down, breathing heavily, and yawning.  It's a pretty funny sight, I'm sure.  It seems to work, but for all I know, Caedmon is just laughing at how goofy his parents look.

Caedmon is also responding to our emotional cues.  As I shared in my last post, I have been trying SO hard to get him to nap longer and better.  The other day, I burst into tears after Caedmon woke early from his morning nap.  This has been the one nap I've been able to count on (two to three hours!), and has become my new found freedom, allowing me time to work on my scrapbook, journal, eat breakfast leisurely... It's when all is right in the world, because he is actually sleeping well.  So when he woke early, it was like the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and I burst into tears.  When Caedmon, who had been happily perched in Wayne's arms, saw me, a look of alarm came over his face and he immediately burst into tears too!  And after I quickly regained my composure to smile at him, Caedmon, sensing that all harm was gone, beamed back at me, as well.  It really took me by surprise that he was so in tune with us emotionally.  And it amazes me that he's learning what emotions look like and mean.

Our little baby is growing so much and so fast!   And how special it is that we get to witness all these developments!  Caedmon is truly no longer a blob anymore, but a tiny person.  I look forward to watching and helping this tiny person get bigger, grow stronger, and gain in maturity.  How wonderful it is to be a mom.

"Well, the book says..."

The Nursing Mother's Companion
What to Expect: The First Year
Your Baby's First Year
Babywise
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
The Sleep Easy Solution
The Wonder Weeks
Baby Play
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems

These are the books I've read over the last three months.  Let's not forget the countless websites and mommy forums I've also pored through.  I'm crazy!!!  And a stress case, trying to do everything "right" according to the books. While Caedmon's week 8 fussies are gone, thank goodness (they were most likely caused by a developmental leap, according to The Wonder Weeks), he is still napping poorly. Except for his morning nap, which is still a solid 2 hours, he naps for only 30-45 minutes each time for the rest of the day.  And I am on a mission to solve this problem that has been plaguing my entire being.

So I have immersed myself in baby literature, and perhaps, as Wayne suggests, it may be causing more harm than good.  While I am definitely more informed, I may be TOO informed.  I am hyper-vigilant during his activity time, mindful not to overstimulate him and simultaneously watching his cues and the clock, lest we keep him up too long.  I employ soothing-to-sleep methods while putting him down, careful to get the technique just right, as I've read over and over and rehearsed in my head.  When he stirs, I put on white noise or administer the "shush-pat", as advised by the Baby Whisperer.  Sometimes he sleeps extra long in the mornings, and I worry, "Is this okay?  Will it interfere with the rest of his day?  The books say he should be napping 1 1/2 to 2 hours."  And the worst is when he wakes early, as he always does, and I am at a loss... I've done everything right!  Perhaps it is the "45-minute intruder", according to Babywise, and he is hungry.  But he isn't interested in food, and I don't want to turn him into a snacker, as warned by the Baby Whisperer.  Is it another wonder week?  Or a growth spurt, which What to Expect says should come around this time... Okay, let's see what Babywise Mom has to say...

Wow, I sound like a nut.  And poor Wayne has to listen and endure my frantic distress.  But he is so patient.  Yes, he calls me crazy, but he also reminds me that books are books; we have a REAL BABY, not a robot.  And what a joyful baby we have!  Caedmon is thriving, smiling and happy.  Why am I so worried all the time?

I really should just take a deep breath and a step back... and away from all these books and references.  With my nose buried so deeply into these guides and my mind so wrapped up in what "should be", I may miss out on these fleeting magical moments.  Perhaps I should listen to my own intuition sometimes, or just let go, roll with the punches, and ENJOY this time, even if Caedmon isn't napping.  I need to relax, revel in these moments, and remember that every child is different, and no matter how difficult the problem, this, too, shall pass.

Because, you know, that's what the books say...

Goodbye, Indee.

Indee passed away on Tuesday.  She was 15.  My mom had taken her to the vet, because Indee hadn't been eating.  Dwindled to a mere 22 lbs, Indee was weak and had trouble standing without shaking.  The vet said it was time, so my mom held Indee in her lap as she took her last breaths.  Before she left us, Indee let out a tiny whimper, as if to say "goodbye".

I'm going to miss my pup.  After all, she was my first love. 

I still remember when we picked her from the litter.  We had chosen her because the breeder had said that she was extra adventurous and brave.  Hm... did he have the right puppy?  Because our little Indee turned out to be prone to car sickness (she threw up in my lap on the drive home), terrified of new experiences (she scampered up every driveway during our early walks, desperately hoping it was home), and skittish at sudden movements (or maybe we had lunged at her one too many times to pick her up and hold her... think Elmira, from Animaniacs).  Still, Indee endured our antics and in true canine fashion, demonstrated her devotion and loyalty to us unconditionally.

Indee was exceedingly sweet.  So much so that she became a favorite amongst the neighborhood children.  One time while I was visiting home from college, the doorbell rang.  I looked at my mom quizzically, as we weren't expecting any visitors, only to have my mother say very nonchalantly as she made her way to the door, "Oh, that must be Indee's friends."  Sure enough, there on our doorstep was a handful of elementary-aged children, leash in hand, asking if Indee could come out and play. 

Indee was also popular with the early morning hikers on Mission Peak, the hiking trail by our house.  My mom and Indee used to hike that trail almost every day, and Indee would run back and forth excitedly, greeting fellow hikers along the way.  All the regulars knew "Indee and her owner".  I think Indee was happiest on that trail. 

We knew Indee was getting old when she started losing interest in her hikes.  Usually jumping up and down when my mom put on her hiking clothes, Indee wouldn't even lift her head.  Some mornings, Indee actually hid when it was time to go, afraid my mom would drag her out.  Indee stayed with us the last two years, during which she grew increasingly weak.  Though overtaken by feebleness in these last days, Indee still made the utmost effort to spend time with us, plodding off her bed to nuzzle and sit with us as we watched TV, or sticking her nose in my face to say "good morning".

I'm going to fondly remember Indee's heart, the grin on her face while running through the hills, and even her stinkiness.  Indee's not suffering anymore; I'm thankful for that.  And I'm thankful that for the last 15 years, I've known the love of my "Golden Retriever/German Shepherd/Collie/Sheltie/Chow Chow mix". 

At the top of Mission Peak, Indee's favorite place. 

to change or not to change...

To change or not to change, that is the question... Caedmon fed really well at 5:30am, then fell promptly back to sleep, and, until he takes another turn in his development and routines, he won't wake again until around 9am.  Ahhh... peaceful bliss.  Except, one whiff of his bottom has just told me that Caedmon has soiled his diaper... so do I change him and wake him, risking the likely chance that he will not fall back asleep?  and thus, beginning the unhappy cycle of no sleep-->overtired, fussy baby-->difficulty falling asleep-->no sleep... Or do I let him sleep, subsequently allowing my son to stew in his own mess?

I have chosen the stew.