11 Months: From Baby to Toddler

Caedmon turned 11 months on Saturday.  Eleven months!  And he's growing in leaps and bounds--not so much in stature (he is STILL wearing some size 6-month pants!), but definitely physically and cognitively.

Right after I posted his 9 month update, in which I reported that Caedmon was not yet mobile, he started crawling (tripod style, with his left leg lunged out in front of him--which he still does), and then a week later, before he was even 10 months, he took his first steps! It was while I was taking this photo to send to grandparents for Chinese New Year, that Caedmon decided to walk right to me!

I'm pretty excited that I literally caught his first steps on camera (in a picture, at least), his blurriness being proof of this new mobility.  And just like that, my baby became a toddler!  Now at 11 months, Caedmon is toddling all over the place, busy exploring the new frontier that is our home and collecting his fair share of bumps and bruises and battle wounds... but nothing so serious as to stop him from getting right back up and plodding right along.  That's my boy!

Now that he's fully mobile, my life has changed.  Other parents have alluded to this shift in attention to hyper-vigilance, and after 11 months, it's finally come to our household.  While I'm not the kind to hover over Caedmon, I can no longer just leave him in one area and expect him to play nicely in that same spot. There has been a lot more chasing around and a lot more "no"s as he gets into everything... and a lot more fun as Caedmon is now able to participate so much more actively in the world around him.

Cognitively, Caedmon is developing right on track, and it's been fun for me to match his new actions with all the information I've gleaned from my extensive reading.  I can almost see the cogs in Caedmon's head, spinning and turning as he tries to make sense of our world.  He is already a very methodical little scientist, and I have noticed that he proceeds with generally the same course of action when he encounters something new: 1) Put in mouth.  Chew for a bit and examine.  2) Scratch at its surface, shake item if able, and if necessary, put back in mouth.  3) Drop on the floor to see what kind of racket it can make.  Repeat. ...again and again.

And while just a month and a half ago, Caedmon loved taking things apart (dumping his bucket of toys on the ground, emptying cabinets, ripping paper), he is starting to learn that things can be put back together, and he enjoys putting his blocks back into their box (though he hasn't yet mastered putting paper back together again.)  He also enjoys dropping items into other larger receptacles, as evidenced by his work here.  That's Lucy's toy squirrel that he stuffed into his diaper champ.  Thanks, Caedmon, for trying to clean up.

Caedmon has four teeth now, still loves eating bread (and now cheese), and is still making me pull my hair out sometimes with his picky eating... but he is also still super sweet and cuddly, still has the best belly laugh, and still melts my heart the way he squeals and pumps his fists when I come home, and while before, he was only able to lunge towards me with all his excited might, he now hobble-runs, arms wildly flailing for balance before grabbing my legs as he runs into them.  That will never get old.  :)

And there he goes...

Some other Caedmon pictures at 11 months...

Caedmon loves scrunching his face up like so, and breathing really hard through his nose so that he sounds like a baby dragon doing his calisthenics.

This picture is blurry, but I like how Wayne is passed out in the background.

Learning how to drink from a straw... I did it!

Not Just a Stay-at-Home-Mom

Today I made my final decision to extend my leave from teaching for another year.  I spoke with my principal, got the necessary signatures, turned in my paperwork to HR... and that's that.  ... But let me tell you, that was one of the harder decisions I've had to make, and I was vacillating even up until I actually handed in my documents.  ...because to extend my leave another year is really just a precursor to the ultimate decision to stay home entirely, which means I may not teach for at least ten years, when the kids are in school... or ever.

My struggle, I'm sure, is shared by many a mother who desires deeply to care for and nurture her own children, teach and instill values, watch them grow... but at the same time, has an almost equal eagerness for meaningful work outside of the home, to earn an income no matter how big or small, and to be a part of something that she takes pride in, that is all her own.

In choosing to stay home, I feel a little like the kid who's been asked to watch everyone's belongings as they all scamper off to ride the new rollercoaster.  It's an important responsibility, and one that I've completely embraced and enjoyed more than I could imagine this past year, but my I-can-do-it-all mentality makes me want to drag everything behind me and jump in the wheeling car, totebags, water bottles, and cameras haphazardly in tow.  I realize this analogy is faulty on so many levels (for one, my son is not a backpack), but the essence of it is I want to have both--to stay home AND teach, which isn't a viable option at the moment.

Even last night, as Wayne was sharing with me his day, I couldn't help but miss teaching already.  And with all seriousness, I lamented, "I feel like my life is over!"  He smiled, because I have a propensity (just a slight one) for being overdramatic, but what I mean is, I feel like MY life... all that was and is Cecilia's, is being taken away.  This was the case as soon as Caedmon was born--my schedule was no longer my own, my sleep, my body, my free-time... and now my work... is no longer my own.  MY life is now my family's.  And it is completely wonderful... and still completely difficult to adjust to my shifting identity.

Whether I see it as a blessing or a curse, or just plain reality, my sister helped remind me of what a calling this is.  She said that being a mom should be more than just keeping her family fed and alive.  A mom has the capacity to truly mold her family, to nurture and guide her children to understand and seek God's heart, to instill sound values and ethics to shape an individual who is loving, confident, and a contributing member of society. A mom doesn't have to stay home in order to take on this all-important role, but if she does, her identity and value have not diminished, as I can't help but feel. No, I will not be JUST a stay-at-home-mom, because a mom who chooses to stay at home, who directs the time, energy, and creativity once reserved for work, towards her family... is noble and significant and irreplaceable.

A friend of mine, a very driven woman who left her flourishing career to be home and whose relationship with her son I can only hope to have with Caedmon one day, shared her thoughts with me, as she now prepares to send her son off to college this coming fall.  She told me that yes, I will miss my job, I will miss interacting with other adults in a professional context, I will miss the challenge and gratification that is afforded in advancing my career... but I will not miss any milestones, any teachable moments, any grubby fingers that insist on grabbing my hair, my hand, and my heart.  And as all moms say, because it's true, cherish it, because it all goes by so fast.  I appreciate this advice from a mother who is looking back on a journey that I am just beginning.

As I made my final decision, I determined that as much as I love teaching, I love spending time with Caedmon during the day even more.  I'm just a novice, but I will strive to be a mom with purpose, who will nurture Caedmon's soul as much as his intellect and physical body, and pour into this new job even more than I did with my old.

With my extension paperwork signed, sealed, and delivered... Caedmon, I'm yours.

Yay, at least another year home with Mom!

9 Months

I've been meaning to share a 9-month update on my little monster for a while now... and before he turns 10 months (or at this rate, 10 YEARS), I better make this happen!  (Caedmon, please nap just a little longer!)

At 9 (+1/2) months, Caedmon is still not crawling but is quite adept at pulling himself up on furniture and is becoming more and more stable and confident in cruising, walking along while he holds on to furniture.  I've heard of babies who skip the crawling stage completely; maybe Caedmon will be one of them!  He's also figured out how to get into a sitting position from his tummy.  My mom was actually the first to witness this.  While she was watching him one day, she turned on the monitor at the end of his nap and found him just sitting there quietly, staring at the door, waiting for her to pick him up!

With these new skills, Caedmon loves practicing whenever he can, even at nap/bedtime.  Especially at nap/bedtime.  The other night, I woke on my own at 4AM, and I checked the monitor, because that's what moms do.  I expected him to be lying there peacefully, but instead, I found this!  (Or something like this, as I was NOT about to reach for my camera at 4AM.)

Caedmon was sitting, standing, rolling about.  And he had turned on his mobile by himself... you know, just hanging out in his crib, listening to music.  :)  I chuckled, and since he wasn't in any sort of distress, turned off the monitor and went back to sleep.  Who knows how many other times he does this during the night!  (I do love that video monitor, as it allows me to sneak a peek into his little world!)

Also, Caedmon's first tooth came in!  It must be the same one that caused him so much pain earlier, and has only now erupted!  This new tooth is already proving to be an asset during meals.  While I'm tearing bite-sized pieces of food onto Caedmon's tray, he almost always will reach for the larger piece in my hand.  He LOVES big pieces of food (mostly bread).  Before, he would just gnaw on it, but with his new tooth, Caedmon is able to rip off chunks!  I'm sure Caedmon is grateful for this new asset, as well.

Size-wise, we have ourselves a little guy.  He's still wearing 6-month clothes very comfortably, and at his 9-month doctor's appointment, he weighed in at only 16 lb. 11 oz.--with a diaper. He's now dipped into the 8th percentile, but I'm not concerned (and neither is the doctor).  Neither Wayne nor I are giants, so it only makes sense that Caedmon would be smallish, too.  He's strong and developing right on track, so I'm thankful for my healthy, active little boy!

Okay, he's waking and sure enough, standing up.  Perfect timing!  Happy 9-1/2 months!

 I'm outta here!

I can do it myself!

Caedmon loves bread.  No, I mean, he LOVES bread.  For the last two weeks, Caedmon has been slowly weaning himself of all other sustenance... At first, he ate his mashed yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc. pretty well, and then finished off with fistfuls of bread.  Then, he started refusing the food I had for him mid-meal, squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head, and waving his little hands in front of his face... until I gave him bread.  And then he didn't want anything mashed at all, pushing the spoon away as soon as I lifted it to his mouth.  He demanded bread.

I realized that my little boy really just wanted to feed himself, so I gave him all his meals in the form of finger foods, and at first, this seemed to appease my little go-getter as he happily stuffed his face with small cubes of yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc.  ... and then the self-weaning started again.  I tell you, that boy is very good at discerning shapes, colors, and textures, because he started picking out all the bread pieces and leaving the rest untouched on his tray.

Augh, my child is starving, I thought.  I must devise a plan.

So I disguised the bread.  I spread yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc. in between slices of bread.  I even made french toast with egg yolk and "grilled" cheese sandwiches in the toaster oven.  Except for the grilled cheese, he really didn't care for my sandwiches.  That boy is such a tease, though, because sometimes Caedmon would pick up a nutrient-packed morsel and start bringing it to his mouth... my face would light up... only to change his mind last minute and drop it back on his tray... and search for more plain bread.  Sometimes he'd even shake off the yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc. and stuff the plain bread in his mouth.  sigh.

Today, though, today was a breakthrough!  For the past couple of mornings, he's been taking well to banana, so while he was feeding himself, I decided to give him a spoon to play with.  Oh, how he loved waving that spoon around and banging it on his tray.  I think at that moment, he realized that the spoon was, again, his friend.  With another spoon, I coursely mashed a little banana and scooped it up, traded with Caedmon for his empty spoon, and while he was excited to wave this one around, too, I brought a spoon to MY mouth and helped him guide his spoon to his.  ... And following my example, he actually opened up and ATE!  I wish I had recorded his triumphant smile; he was so proud of his endeavor!  or..... maybe he was just beaming, because I was so darn happy!

At lunch, we had some finger foods and then I helped him spoon in avocado.  At dinner, he fed himself mashed yam and turkey!  Hallelujah!  Real sustenance is, again, coursing through my child!  Of course, we finished off each meal with bread, but I don't mind as long as he's getting other foods in, as well.

I had always heard about babies and kids being picky eaters, and I always thought, "Well, I'm certainly not going to let that happen."  After reading up on ways to avoid picky eating, I did everything by the book--introduced a variety of nutritious foods from the start, created a positive mealtime environment, set an example by eating healthy foods along with Caedmon.  I thought that this was one area that I wouldn't have to worry much about.  Oh, how naive I was.  If a kid doesn't want to eat, he doesn't want to eat.

I've read and heard from other moms that food struggles are really struggles for independence, and while I knew to expect it, I didn't know I'd encounter it with Caedmon at just 9 months.  I certainly didn't quite know how to handle it at first... but today was a breakthrough not just in Caedmon's diet, but in my understanding of my son and how to best parent him.  I learned that all the hoopla these last two weeks wasn't so much about the food, though that was what occupied my mind (and rightfully so), but Caedmon's desire to "do it himself".  And while it is very important that he gets the proper nutrients in his body, I needed to respect and work with his desire for independence, in order for the greater good to be achieved.

Today, it's yams/squash/avocado/tofu, etc.  Tomorrow, it may be going out/curfews/fashion choices/girls (eep!), etc.... and hopefully, Wayne and I will be able to recognize and respect Caedmon's desire for independence then, as well, while helping him make sound choices.

But that's a long ways off... For now, I bask in the triumph of one good eating day for my 9-month-old.

Yay!  I can do it myself!

A Mother's Rejoice... Amidst Mourning and Sorrow

In moments like these... I sing out a song.  I sing out a love song to Jesus... In moments like these... I lift up my hands.  I lift up my hands to the Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord... I love You.  

In the crowded sanctuary, you could almost hear a pin drop... if it weren't for our sniffles and soft, tearful gasps.  My friend, Angie, had just given her eulogy for her baby boy, and then in that moment, bolstered by the Lord's strength, chose to end with a song that has always been dear to her heart. The juxtaposition of a mourning mother's worship and the sad reality that brought us all under this roof in the first place... was both beautiful and cruel.  There were no instruments nor accompanying voices.  It was just Angie... and the Lord.

Tommy was only 6 months old.  He was the product of more than seven years of trying to conceive, countless prayers, and endless hope.  On the day Tommy was born, the pure joy and elation was clouded by  the discovery that he had esophageal atresia and tracheoesophageal fistula, a rare birth defect in which Tommy's esophagus was not connected to his stomach.  After more surgeries and treatments than 20 people should have in their lifetime, Tommy was fairly healthy and was growing and chubbing up like a champ... until he contracted RSV (respiratory syncytial virus), which presents itself with cold-like symptoms and can be deadly in young infants, especially those like Tommy, whose airways were already extra narrow from his condition.  On January 7, Angie and Todd rushed Tommy to the ER, but his heart could not take the trauma, and shortly after, Tommy was laid to rest.  It was so painfully sudden...

I never did have the privilege of meeting little Tommy in person, but his life touched me greatly.  I enjoyed reading Angie's updates on Tommy, and I LOVED seeing his pictures.  Perhaps it was his personality that shone from his eyes, his chubby little arms and cheeks that begged to be pinched, or his wry smile that warms my heart even now... that though I never did get to meet Tommy, I feel such a strong connection to him.  Or perhaps it was that Angie EXUDED love for her baby boy, and that love was infectious and uplifting, and it brought all who encountered it into their sweet slice of heaven.  And I just mourn so deeply her loss.

I mourn as a mother of a little boy who is not much older than Tommy.  I mourn, because I cannot imagine waking up one day without my child, and the now present void that must be suffocating.  I mourn, because Angie will never be able to hold Tommy in her arms again... won't be able to rock him to sleep, or feel his little arm hooked around her neck... I mourn, because she will finally be able to sleep in... that there are no more toys to pick up... that her arms are light and she now has two hands again... I mourn, because these new-found freedoms must be so debilitating.

I mourn, because... it wasn't supposed to be this way.

I am angry.  I have questions.  I demand to know WHY!!!  Why, God, did you give such a precious, perfect boy to Angie and Todd, only to take him away so quickly?  Why did you not save him?  Why?  why................... In the silence, it is Angie's voice that bypasses all the answers I know in my head regarding God's sovereignty and goodness beyond my understanding, that I've angrily shoved away.  It's her voice that seeps into my heart.  In moments like these... I sing out a song.  I sing out a love song to Jesus...  

It's crazy that Angie's faith is ministering to ME.  If I have rage-filled questions, I KNOW Angie does, too.  And yet, she trusts.  And on her shaking knees, she is strengthened.  And she is blessed with a peace that is unmistakable, even amidst the destruction that is all around her.

In moments like these... I lift up my hands.  I lift up my hands to the Lord...

I picture little Tommy in our Father's embrace now, his chubby, little arms wrapped around our Father's neck.  I imagine him zooming around on his tiny trike and playing peek-a-boo with Jesus.  In Angie and Todd's place, our loving Father is now taking care of Tommy, holding him, rocking him, playing with him, and making him laugh and shriek in delight... And there is overflowing joy.  And there is contentment.  And there is perfect unity with our God, who, I trust, is good.

Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord...

I love You. 

Tommy, may you rest, not just in peace, but in everlasting JOY...

Thomas Daniel Eaton

June 19, 2012 - January 7, 2013

 "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the LORD."  Job 1:21

Halibut and Chorizo Stew

I subscribe to Cooking Light and receive recipes in my email box from allrecipes.com, America's Test Kitchen, and the like... only to read them, make my usual comments of "Oh, that looks good!", and then toss them to the side as I reach for the 20 or so recipes in my binder that are now smudgey and splattered from constant use.  Moroccan chicken, chicken adobo, poppy seed chicken (hm, do I sense a trend here?)... Tried and true, they are, but now are also oh, so trite.

One of my new year's resolutions is to try a new recipe at least once very two weeks.  That doesn't sound like much, but given my track record, I wanted a schedule that was attainable and wouldn't overwhelm me, lest I give up and go running back to chicken tortilla soup.  Tonight, I made Halibut and Chorizo Stew from Cooking Light (oh, I am also trying to venture beyond chicken and ground turkey).

And... ta-da!

After I made this, I realized I should have taken step-by-step pictures and then described my process along the way, as seen on so many other blogs.  Maybe I will next time.  ..... eh, yeah, right.  I'm a mother of a 9-month-old, who frantically struggles to get dinner on the table before 8pm!  Who am I kidding?  No time for pretty pictures!

Anyway, back to the stew.  It covered all my requisites for a stellar weeknight dinner--quick (20 minute meal), nutritious, and tasty!  And there was minimal clean-up!  Success!  I am definitely adding this to my (hopefully growing) rotation of recipes!

Halibut and Chorizo Stew
courtesy of Cooking Light, December 2012

2 tsp olive oil
2 oz Spanish chorizo sausage, diced (I actually used turkey sausage, because that's what I had on hand)
1 cup chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, sliced (I minced it, because I personally don't like biting into whole garlic, but I understand I'm mostly in the minority here)
1/2 cup dry sherry (I used brandy, which I had in the cupboard)
1/2 fat-free, lower sodium chicken broth
1-1/2 Tbsp chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 (28 oz) can diced tomatoes, drained
1 (15 oz) can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
4 (5 oz) skinless halibut fillets (I used half halibut and half tilapia, as my store didn't have enough halibut.)

1. Heat a large saute pan over medium heat.  Add 1 tsp oil to pan. Add chorizo; saute for 3 minutes or until lightly browned.  Add onion; saute 3 minutes or until just tender.  Add garlic; saute 1 minute.  Add sherry; cook 1-1/2 minutes, scraping pan to loosen browned bits.  Stir in broth and next 5 ingredients (through chickpeas); stir to combine.
2. Nestle halibut fillets in stew; spoon tomato mixture over fillets.  Cover and simmer 5 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork or desired degree of doneness.
3. Serve with crusty bread, like ciabatta or pugliese.

Up All Night... again.

Last night was another sleepless night for me.  Since Caedmon's fever a couple of weeks ago, he's been waking at 10 or 11, and because I was afraid he was hungry (he hadn't been eating his solids), I've been nursing him.  I'm not against feeding my baby at night, but I'll do it only if he is truly hungry.  He normally goes from 7 to 7 without a feed, so I know he can do it.  However, if there is even an inkling of doubt whether he is hungry or not, I always feed him; I'm so paranoid over his hunger.  The trouble with that, though, is that it's so easy to create a habit, so that he starts taking these calories at nighttime instead of day, and that's exactly what has happened.  Waking at 10 or 11, though, is not much of a bother, which is probably why I hadn't taken much action to shift his caloric intake.

The last couple of nights, though, he's been waking at 1 and 2AM.  Now THAT is a bother.  But if he's hungry, what can I do?

The first night when he woke at 1AM, I went in to nurse him, but for some strange reason, my letdown would not come in.  I tried for 15 minutes as poor Caedmon would suck furiously and then get so upset that nothing was coming out.  Caedmon wailed, arching his back and flinging his body back in frustration.  I was feeling the same inside.  All l I could do was rock and sing; I felt so helpless.  ... and then the unexpected happened.  Caedmon calmed down.  So I continued to rock and sing... and Caedmon fell asleep!  More precious sleeping baby moments, which I am always thankful for, but even more than that, it was a revelation.  He wasn't hungry.  I mean, sure, he probably would have eaten if I had been able to offer, but he didn't NEED it.  And that's all I needed to proceed with Project Sleep-Through-The-Night-Again.

So last night, Caedmon woke at 2AM.  After letting him cry, having Wayne go in and rock, and then me going in to soothe and rock, Caedmon finally slept at 5AM.  At that point, Caedmon still wasn't looking very sleepy, but I had to put him down, because I was getting so tired.  He cried to protest, of course, but less than 10 minutes later, he was out.  Sheesh, if it was this easy, why didn't you do it sooner?  Sometimes I think our meddling (i.e. going in to soothe and rock) actually makes everything worse.  Had we let him cry, he probably would have been asleep sooner... but when I'm meddling, at least I feel like I'm DOING something.  (And this is the slippery slope of becoming an annoying, overbearing mother.)

Right now, and last night, especially, Project Sleep-Through-The-Night-Again hardly seems worth it, as I was up all night anyway.  Wouldn't it be so much easier on everyone if I just nursed him?  But I do recall how glorious those 7-7 nights were, and how much better rested Caedmon was (how we all were), and so I will press on.

Today is a new day... giving way to a new night.  Hopefully, there is more rest for us all on the horizon.

Playing Hooky

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now.  Just me, no baby.  Wayne's mom is watching Caedmon while I steal away for a bit to run some errands, when an idea crept into my head... Really?  Can I do it?  Should I do it?  Should I get some coffee... and just SIT?  I have more errands I could run, and I almost waved this CRAZY idea away, but I'm feeling wild and adventurous today.  Step aside, grocery list, this momma's got a date with some decaf!  Gosh, it feels like ages since I've done this.

Except... mom-guilt is already kicking in.  Cecilia, what about the rest of your errands?  When will you have time to finish those?  And don't you remember how hard Caedmon was crying when you left?  Maybe you should just go home... You can always make coffee and play some Pandora at home.

Augh, stop it!  Caedmon will be fine, and if anything, it's good for him to be with other people; he's been SO attached to me lately.

That's actually been on my mind a lot, how grumpy and distressed he is with others, and it seems to be getting worse, as evidenced by this past Sunday at church.  We usually leave him in the nursery during service, and even though he cries when we leave, we know that he'll be okay.  This past Sunday, though, not long after we settled into our seats, Caedmon's childcare number flashed on the screen, signaling that we needed to tend to our little one.  When I got to the room, Caedmon was sniffling and trying to catch his breath.  His eyes were shut tight, and his face was red and streaked with tears.  One look at me, and he nearly leapt out of the nursery worker's arms.  And then he was fine.  We played for a bit on the floor.  Caedmon loved all the new toys and watching the other babies, and we even got a chuckle out of him a few times.  As long as I am by his side, my little monster is golden.

I expressed my concern and lament over my little shadow and how I wished he was an easier baby who would happily go to others, to which the nursery worker said something that really struck me... "It won't always be like this."

Wow.  Yes, it won't always be like this, in the sense that it won't always be this difficult for Caedmon and he won't always have such a hard time with separation anxiety.  But also, it won't always be like this.... that I will be the world to my baby... that my little boy will crave my cuddles and kisses... that I'll have the ability to erase all woes and worries and make everything good and perfect for my son, simply with a hug and a smile.  No, it won't always be like this.  (Isn't there a country song like this?)  Again, reminders to cherish these moments...

Though, right now, I will allow myself to cherish my peppermint mocha and TIME magazine.


**edit**
Thanks to Steven F., here's the song.  Say what you will about country--it's cheesy, saccharine, hokey... but it sure knows how to pull at the heart strings.  I'm sure any parent can relate to this:

"It Won't Be Like This for Long" by Darius Rucker

An Awfully Wonderful Day

Dear Caedmon,

Today, according to most measures, would have been considered a horrible day.  You are so miserable from teething pains; I can tell that it hurts to even nurse.  And it is making you so incredibly fussy.  And irritable.  And crabby.  You threw tantrums when I changed your diapers and clothes, you fussed when I had you play on your own for even a bit while I went to the restroom, you refused to eat any of your solids, and Mr. Crankypants, you missed two of your usual three naps, sleeping only a total of 40 minutes ALL day, which is completely out of the ordinary for you. I had so much to do today, and needless to say, I got none of it done.  At times, I grumbled at my non-progress, this mess that is our home right now, and the frustration that though I'm exhausted, I have nothing to show for my efforts.  

Except... you make it all better.  You always do.  You had trouble staying asleep tonight, waking and crying after only 40 minutes... (those darn teeth!)...  Dad went in to soothe you, but when I went in, you immediately turned and reached out your little arms and leaned your whole body towards me.  Your frantic whimpering stopped as soon as I took you in my arms.   You hooked your little hand around my neck and nuzzled your face against my chest. And there was peace.  And calm.  It was such a tender, magic moment that I could have held and rocked you forever. I hummed our lullaby song as your breathing slowed and relaxed... Once in a while, you'd pop your head up and look into my face, as if to make sure I was there.  Yes, Baby, Mom is still here.  I'm always here.  And I love you so very much... more than you can know.  

You are finally sleeping soundly.  And although I am still sitting in the middle of all my unfinished projects and chores, in this sty, really... I take back the part about having nothing to show for my exhausting efforts. You are a growing, breathing, healthy (though fussy) little boy. You're alive, so I must be doing something right.  :)  And I am so, so blessed and thankful for you.  

Sleep tight, my little owlet.  May tomorrow be another productive day.  (Though if you decide to nap long and normally tomorrow, I would be okay with that too!)

Love,

Mom

Blasted Blankets!

Reason #47 why I do not like winter:  I am constantly paranoid that Caedmon is cold, so I go in to put a blanket on him, only to have him pop his head up upon my entering.  Crying and wailing invariably ensues.  Why is he such a light sleeper???  And yet he doesn't wake when Lucy barks??  I don't get it.  It's like he can just sense me... Mom's here.  No more napping; it's time to play! 

I just learned about these merino wool sleep sacks that claim to regulate your baby's body temperature and are supposedly far superior to the Halo fleece sleep sacks.  Baby Wise Mom (from babywisemom.com) swears by them, and though pricey ($99 on sale!), I am so tempted to get it if it means no more waking (due to a paranoid mama). 

ugh... So much for a productive afternoon.  Time to retrieve my screaming baby... ugh.... darn you, blankets!!!!