Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I can do it myself!

Caedmon loves bread.  No, I mean, he LOVES bread.  For the last two weeks, Caedmon has been slowly weaning himself of all other sustenance... At first, he ate his mashed yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc. pretty well, and then finished off with fistfuls of bread.  Then, he started refusing the food I had for him mid-meal, squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head, and waving his little hands in front of his face... until I gave him bread.  And then he didn't want anything mashed at all, pushing the spoon away as soon as I lifted it to his mouth.  He demanded bread.



I realized that my little boy really just wanted to feed himself, so I gave him all his meals in the form of finger foods, and at first, this seemed to appease my little go-getter as he happily stuffed his face with small cubes of yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc.  ... and then the self-weaning started again.  I tell you, that boy is very good at discerning shapes, colors, and textures, because he started picking out all the bread pieces and leaving the rest untouched on his tray.



Augh, my child is starving, I thought.  I must devise a plan.

So I disguised the bread.  I spread yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc. in between slices of bread.  I even made french toast with egg yolk and "grilled" cheese sandwiches in the toaster oven.  Except for the grilled cheese, he really didn't care for my sandwiches.  That boy is such a tease, though, because sometimes Caedmon would pick up a nutrient-packed morsel and start bringing it to his mouth... my face would light up... only to change his mind last minute and drop it back on his tray... and search for more plain bread.  Sometimes he'd even shake off the yam/squash/avocado/tofu, etc. and stuff the plain bread in his mouth.  sigh.

Today, though, today was a breakthrough!  For the past couple of mornings, he's been taking well to banana, so while he was feeding himself, I decided to give him a spoon to play with.  Oh, how he loved waving that spoon around and banging it on his tray.  I think at that moment, he realized that the spoon was, again, his friend.  With another spoon, I coursely mashed a little banana and scooped it up, traded with Caedmon for his empty spoon, and while he was excited to wave this one around, too, I brought a spoon to MY mouth and helped him guide his spoon to his.  ... And following my example, he actually opened up and ATE!  I wish I had recorded his triumphant smile; he was so proud of his endeavor!  or..... maybe he was just beaming, because I was so darn happy!

At lunch, we had some finger foods and then I helped him spoon in avocado.  At dinner, he fed himself mashed yam and turkey!  Hallelujah!  Real sustenance is, again, coursing through my child!  Of course, we finished off each meal with bread, but I don't mind as long as he's getting other foods in, as well.

I had always heard about babies and kids being picky eaters, and I always thought, "Well, I'm certainly not going to let that happen."  After reading up on ways to avoid picky eating, I did everything by the book--introduced a variety of nutritious foods from the start, created a positive mealtime environment, set an example by eating healthy foods along with Caedmon.  I thought that this was one area that I wouldn't have to worry much about.  Oh, how naive I was.  If a kid doesn't want to eat, he doesn't want to eat.

I've read and heard from other moms that food struggles are really struggles for independence, and while I knew to expect it, I didn't know I'd encounter it with Caedmon at just 9 months.  I certainly didn't quite know how to handle it at first... but today was a breakthrough not just in Caedmon's diet, but in my understanding of my son and how to best parent him.  I learned that all the hoopla these last two weeks wasn't so much about the food, though that was what occupied my mind (and rightfully so), but Caedmon's desire to "do it himself".  And while it is very important that he gets the proper nutrients in his body, I needed to respect and work with his desire for independence, in order for the greater good to be achieved.

Today, it's yams/squash/avocado/tofu, etc.  Tomorrow, it may be going out/curfews/fashion choices/girls (eep!), etc.... and hopefully, Wayne and I will be able to recognize and respect Caedmon's desire for independence then, as well, while helping him make sound choices.

But that's a long ways off... For now, I bask in the triumph of one good eating day for my 9-month-old.

Yay!  I can do it myself!

Monday, January 21, 2013

A Mother's Rejoice... Amidst Mourning and Sorrow


In moments like these... I sing out a song.  I sing out a love song to Jesus... In moments like these... I lift up my hands.  I lift up my hands to the Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord... I love You.  

In the crowded sanctuary, you could almost hear a pin drop... if it weren't for our sniffles and soft, tearful gasps.  My friend, Angie, had just given her eulogy for her baby boy, and then in that moment, bolstered by the Lord's strength, chose to end with a song that has always been dear to her heart. The juxtaposition of a mourning mother's worship and the sad reality that brought us all under this roof in the first place... was both beautiful and cruel.  There were no instruments nor accompanying voices.  It was just Angie... and the Lord.

Tommy was only 6 months old.  He was the product of more than seven years of trying to conceive, countless prayers, and endless hope.  On the day Tommy was born, the pure joy and elation was clouded by  the discovery that he had esophageal atresia and tracheoesophageal fistula, a rare birth defect in which Tommy's esophagus was not connected to his stomach.  After more surgeries and treatments than 20 people should have in their lifetime, Tommy was fairly healthy and was growing and chubbing up like a champ... until he contracted RSV (respiratory syncytial virus), which presents itself with cold-like symptoms and can be deadly in young infants, especially those like Tommy, whose airways were already extra narrow from his condition.  On January 7, Angie and Todd rushed Tommy to the ER, but his heart could not take the trauma, and shortly after, Tommy was laid to rest.  It was so painfully sudden...

I never did have the privilege of meeting little Tommy in person, but his life touched me greatly.  I enjoyed reading Angie's updates on Tommy, and I LOVED seeing his pictures.  Perhaps it was his personality that shone from his eyes, his chubby little arms and cheeks that begged to be pinched, or his wry smile that warms my heart even now... that though I never did get to meet Tommy, I feel such a strong connection to him.  Or perhaps it was that Angie EXUDED love for her baby boy, and that love was infectious and uplifting, and it brought all who encountered it into their sweet slice of heaven.  And I just mourn so deeply her loss.

I mourn as a mother of a little boy who is not much older than Tommy.  I mourn, because I cannot imagine waking up one day without my child, and the now present void that must be suffocating.  I mourn, because Angie will never be able to hold Tommy in her arms again... won't be able to rock him to sleep, or feel his little arm hooked around her neck... I mourn, because she will finally be able to sleep in... that there are no more toys to pick up... that her arms are light and she now has two hands again... I mourn, because these new-found freedoms must be so debilitating.

I mourn, because... it wasn't supposed to be this way.

I am angry.  I have questions.  I demand to know WHY!!!  Why, God, did you give such a precious, perfect boy to Angie and Todd, only to take him away so quickly?  Why did you not save him?  Why?  why................... In the silence, it is Angie's voice that bypasses all the answers I know in my head regarding God's sovereignty and goodness beyond my understanding, that I've angrily shoved away.  It's her voice that seeps into my heart.  In moments like these... I sing out a song.  I sing out a love song to Jesus...  

It's crazy that Angie's faith is ministering to ME.  If I have rage-filled questions, I KNOW Angie does, too.  And yet, she trusts.  And on her shaking knees, she is strengthened.  And she is blessed with a peace that is unmistakable, even amidst the destruction that is all around her.

In moments like these... I lift up my hands.  I lift up my hands to the Lord...

I picture little Tommy in our Father's embrace now, his chubby, little arms wrapped around our Father's neck.  I imagine him zooming around on his tiny trike and playing peek-a-boo with Jesus.  In Angie and Todd's place, our loving Father is now taking care of Tommy, holding him, rocking him, playing with him, and making him laugh and shriek in delight... And there is overflowing joy.  And there is contentment.  And there is perfect unity with our God, who, I trust, is good.

Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord.  Singing, I love You, Lord...

I love You. 

Tommy, may you rest, not just in peace, but in everlasting JOY...


Thomas Daniel Eaton
June 19, 2012 - January 7, 2013

 "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the LORD."  Job 1:21

Monday, January 14, 2013

Halibut and Chorizo Stew

I subscribe to Cooking Light and receive recipes in my email box from allrecipes.com, America's Test Kitchen, and the like... only to read them, make my usual comments of "Oh, that looks good!", and then toss them to the side as I reach for the 20 or so recipes in my binder that are now smudgey and splattered from constant use.  Moroccan chicken, chicken adobo, poppy seed chicken (hm, do I sense a trend here?)... Tried and true, they are, but now are also oh, so trite.

One of my new year's resolutions is to try a new recipe at least once very two weeks.  That doesn't sound like much, but given my track record, I wanted a schedule that was attainable and wouldn't overwhelm me, lest I give up and go running back to chicken tortilla soup.  Tonight, I made Halibut and Chorizo Stew from Cooking Light (oh, I am also trying to venture beyond chicken and ground turkey).

And... ta-da!

After I made this, I realized I should have taken step-by-step pictures and then described my process along the way, as seen on so many other blogs.  Maybe I will next time.  ..... eh, yeah, right.  I'm a mother of a 9-month-old, who frantically struggles to get dinner on the table before 8pm!  Who am I kidding?  No time for pretty pictures!

Anyway, back to the stew.  It covered all my requisites for a stellar weeknight dinner--quick (20 minute meal), nutritious, and tasty!  And there was minimal clean-up!  Success!  I am definitely adding this to my (hopefully growing) rotation of recipes!

Halibut and Chorizo Stew
courtesy of Cooking Light, December 2012

2 tsp olive oil
2 oz Spanish chorizo sausage, diced (I actually used turkey sausage, because that's what I had on hand)
1 cup chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, sliced (I minced it, because I personally don't like biting into whole garlic, but I understand I'm mostly in the minority here)
1/2 cup dry sherry (I used brandy, which I had in the cupboard)
1/2 fat-free, lower sodium chicken broth
1-1/2 Tbsp chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 (28 oz) can diced tomatoes, drained
1 (15 oz) can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
4 (5 oz) skinless halibut fillets (I used half halibut and half tilapia, as my store didn't have enough halibut.)

1. Heat a large saute pan over medium heat.  Add 1 tsp oil to pan. Add chorizo; saute for 3 minutes or until lightly browned.  Add onion; saute 3 minutes or until just tender.  Add garlic; saute 1 minute.  Add sherry; cook 1-1/2 minutes, scraping pan to loosen browned bits.  Stir in broth and next 5 ingredients (through chickpeas); stir to combine.
2. Nestle halibut fillets in stew; spoon tomato mixture over fillets.  Cover and simmer 5 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork or desired degree of doneness.
3. Serve with crusty bread, like ciabatta or pugliese.